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“Mean what?” I asked, still staring at the water drop.
His fingers brushed the underside of my chin, gently tipping my face up so I had to look at him. Except my eyes went everywhere else.
“That you love me.”
All the air was punched out of me. I forgot anything existed except him. I didn’t know how I managed to keep my gaze steady because everything under my skin was an earthquake.
Lie,my brain demanded.
Don’t you dare,threatened my heart.
“I meant it,” I told him. “I shouldn’t have said it… but I won’t take it back. I do. Love you.”
He groaned, his give so sweet as one hand curled around the small of my back and the other to cup my head.
“I love you too, angel. I love you so much.”
Tears rushed behind my eyes, his words like a noose around my heart. “Please don’t say it if you don’t mean it.” To be honest, I’d been on the receiving end of a lot of cruelty in my life, but if he was lying about this, it would be the cruelest thing I would have to survive.
“Lars, look at me.” When I didn’t, he took my head in his hands and forced it up, holding me in place. “Look at me and listen.”
When I still refused to open my eyes, he made a frustrated sound, and I thought he would pull away.
He didn’t.
He tightened his hold and started speaking.
27
Win
Never in mylife did I think this moment would come.
Never did I think I would rip out my heart and hold it out, still beating, for someone else.
Some might say it was just words, but to me, they were pieces of my soul, a defiant action to every ounce of vulnerability inside me. It was damning myself to destruction if he ever walked away. It was handing him not just my heart but offering up every single moment I had left on this earth. Because really, love was something that could be given more than once. But time? Once time was spent, it could never be reclaimed.
“I always thought I had a choice. That I wouldn’t love someone unless I wanted to. And I didn’t want to. It was too risky. Too fragile. But then I saw you standing there scowling at your phone and pretending you couldn’t speak English.”
Though his eyes remained closed, he scowled, thunder crossing his features like the rainstorm he always embodied.
Everybody wants happiness and nobody wants pain, but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.
Look at Yoda being all poetic and shit.
I smiled a little. “I never had a choice with you, Lars. You struck my heart with those electric eyes, and it’s beat for you ever since.”
Sandy lashes lifted, piercing me with his crystal stare.
“There’s my angel,” I whispered, swiping my thumb over his cheekbone.
He said nothing, but I had his complete attention. How I enjoyed being the center of his world.
“And even if I did have a choice, it would still be you. You are worth every risk. One moment with you is worth a thousand without. People always say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” I shook my head. “I always thought that was bullshit.”
His eyes rolled, and I flashed him a smile. “But you’re my exception. The one love strong enough to override the paralyzing fear of losing it.”
His hands came up, circling my wrists, holding me while I held him. Tears glimmered in his eyes, turning them translucent. A tidal wave of emotion surged up in me as I stood there staring at my future, marveling at the fact that I’d found him in this big world. Welling with gratitude that I’d stepped on that plane.
