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“Things are much more complicated when the heart is involved.” He spoke knowingly.
“This isn’t like you and Wes,” I said, sinking onto the end of the bed.
“The reasons for pushing away the person we love might not be the same, but the result is.”
I spoke fast. “I don’t love him.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about him?”
My movements were aggressive when I shoved off the bed. “Because he’s mine.”
Because I wanted something that was mine and mine alone. Because sharing something I was so greedy for made it real. Because I thought if I kept him in a neat box, he wouldn’t get out.
“I bet leaving him in Sweden was hard,” Max commented.
I bit the inside of my lip. It was hard, so goddamn hard. And not calling. Not checking up on him had been fucking torture.
“My home is here,” was all I said.
“Well, now so is he.”
“There is no me and Lars. I don’t want there to be,” I burst out. Not yelling but not calm either.
“You sure about that?”
His question made my heart scream. Made me feel like I was betraying myself and, even worse, Lars for denying everything I felt. I couldn’t say that, though.
So instead, I asked, “You aren’t even surprised about me being bi?”
He turned smug. “I’m your best friend. I already knew.”
“Liar.”
Max said nothing.
I had to know. “Since when?”
“Since you and Timmy Pickles hooked up under the bleachers in high school.”
I made a face. “His name wasn’t Timmy Pickles.”
Max smiled. “But there was someone.”
Realizing I was caught, I muttered, “You asshole.”
Max smiled more but then turned serious. “You want to tell me why you’re fighting this so hard?”
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
He nodded. “I respect that. Can I say one thing?”
I gestured for him to go ahead.
“Falling in love is easy.”
I made a rude sound and flipped him off.
He laughed. “Seriously, falling in love takes almost no effort at all. I never even had to try with Wes. Hell, I triednotto. For years and years. But it was already there. He was already part of me.”
