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“But you said—” a dirty voice protested.
“I said get out!”
The men all left, and relief left me in a puddle, my body shivering and shaking until it hurt.
Oskar made a soothing sound, almost musical, in his throat. His hands were warm and gentle when he pulled me into his lap as he rocked me back and forth.
“I would never let them have you.” He promised, his lips on my hairline. “Never. You’re mine and mine alone.”
My teeth chattered as he rocked me.
“Shh,” he said, rubbing my back. “I had to teach you a lesson,” he explained. “You made me do this. If you’d only listened, this never would have happened.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, voice meek, body tired.
“I know, love. Next time you’ll listen because next time I won’t protect you.”
When I snapped back to reality, Oskar was still standing there. Watching. Smiling. Haunting me.
“No!” I yelled, finding a deep well of strength inside me as I crashed my elbow into the ribcage of the man pressed against my back.
He stumbled, and I rushed forward, shoving through the people and running for the exit. My bones shuddered beneath my skin with the force with which I collided with the door, all but falling outside into the winter air.
I gasped, sucking in great gulps, my lungs seizing from the abrupt temperature change. Bracing my hand on the side of the building, I rushed down the crumbling sidewalk to a patch of overgrown, half-dead bushes.
Falling to my knees, I retched, the vodka burning a second time as it came back up. The food I’d eaten after the swim meet came up too, having sat in my stomach for hours undigested.
My ribs ached under the way I heaved, my body fighting even as it lost the battle.
I stayed on my hands and knees, the frigid temperature seeping through my jeans and palms, the cold a welcome respite to the way I burned.
Once I was done puking, I sat back gingerly, swiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Music still filled the air, and just hearing it made me want to puke again.
The flashbacks just wouldn’t stop coming, this one worse than the one earlier today. I was drained. Spent. Utterly defeated.
Down the sidewalk, the door creaked as it flung open, and I practically dove into the bushes in panic. Breathing heavily, I glanced around the branches, half expecting to see Oskar storming outside to drag me back to Sweden.
But it wasn’t Oskar. It was just a group of drunks laughing like it was the best night of their life.
I sagged back, a few branches snapping with the movement. Oskar wasn’t here. He wasn’t. Today was just a bad day. A really bad day.
I got up from the bush and thought briefly of going to find Wes or Max to tell them I needed to leave. But the idea of going back into that party made my skin literally crawl and my stomach seize up again.
I turned away, tucking my hands into my jeans as I thought longingly of the coat I’d left in the Wrangler. Being cold was a far better option than going back inside.
I started walking, knowing the distance across campus might take a while, but perhaps the cold air would bring some clarity.
Maybe I should just go back to Sweden.The thought was barely there before I was shaking my head against it. I couldn’t go back. I didn’t want to.
When I made it past all the parked cars, the landscape seemed to open and stretch on endlessly, a sterile panorama that pushed out into barren trees that twisted elusively against the black backdrop of night. This far out, the music almost sounded like a memory, something that if I tried really hard to block out, I could.
I followed along the road, which was unkempt and starting to overgrow. There was enough of it here for me to make it back to the main parts of campus where I would be able to find my way to the dorm.
The only color out here was the white puffs of air that escaped as I breathed. There weren’t even any stars in the sky, just an endless sea of black. The air smelled faintly of snow, and the way my fingers and toes prickled, I thought perhaps it was on its way. As I walked, I hunched in on myself, trying to preserve some warmth but also feeling incredibly small.
The sound of a snapping stick not far in the distance made me pause. I glanced around, expecting to see someone else perhaps walking home. Or even stumbling around drunk.
There was no one.
