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Feeling a little sheepish, I pulled back.
“Is everything okay?” Wes asked, concern darkening his features.
“Of course,” I told him. “We were just making sure the tires look good.”
“They’re brand new,” Ryan said, bland.
“Did you get the key?” I asked.
Wes held it up.
“Whoop! Let’s go!” Win said, practically diving into the back seat.
I opened the driver’s door for Wes as Ryan and Jamie climbed in the back with Win.
“You sure everything’s okay?” Wes asked quietly.
Sunlight glinted in the gold flecks of his chocolate eyes, and the words Win said settled deep inside me.
“Yeah, baby. It’s all good.” I kissed him briefly before pulling back. “Come on. Show me your new ride.”
29
Wes
If something is toogood to be true, then it probably is.
We’ve all heard the saying, right? I don’t know if you agree with it or not, but I kinda do. And that scared me.
Things were good. No. Better than good. Maybe even the best they’d been since before my parents died.
In the span of twenty-four hours, Max became my boyfriend and my brother gave us his stamp of approval. My friends made me feel like I really belonged with them,andI got a hella sweet new ride. I hadn’t even thought about a new car yet, hadn’t considered what I’d get. I never considered a Jeep until Ryan and Jamie pointed to them parked at the curb.
Were we too old for matching cars? I didn’t really care. I liked it. I more than liked it. I missed out on a lot when I was a teenager. Trying to grieve our parents. Navigating the fact that I was gay and other people didn’t like it. Being put in the hospital. A brain operation. Being overwhelmingly in love with Max. I didn’t go to parties. I didn’t have friends. I even gave up swimming for a while.
The BMW had been my dad’s. Instead of getting a car when I got my license, I just pulled it out of the garage. Mom’s car was a casualty of the wreck that killed them, but Dad’s had sat pretty much untouched until I decided to drive it.
For a while, it made me feel closer to him. Traces of his scent lingered in it the first few times I drove it around. Kinda made me feel like he was part of me learning how to drive. It was a mindfuck I kept to myself that I’d totaled Dad’s car. That I destroyed one of the things we had left of him. I also found it eerie that now both my parents’ cars were totaled in accidents. The fact we still had the house and all the possessions inside was probably what kept me from totally losing it over something else of theirs being gone.
I knew deep down he’d be glad the car protected me, so whenever my thoughts turned dark, I would remind myself of that.
Honestly, it was probably the reason I was reluctant to think about what kind of car to get or when. Replacing something so sentimental wasn’t at the top of my list of fun things to do.
But Ryan and Jamie changed that. I didn’t think another car could beget the same kind of sentimental value, but I was wrong. This Wrangler was more than flashy eye candy and sweet upgrades. It was something tangible that linked me to my friends. The fact they’d invited me into an uber-exclusive club meant something to me. A lot actually. Maybe people would scoff at the fact we all drove matching rides. Maybe they would think we were immature.
I didn’t care.
I spent so much time caring. Caring what Max would think if he knew I loved him. Caring what Win would think. Our parents. Being gay. Coming out to the guys in Elite. People walking around campus. Faceless people I didn’t even know.
For what? A constant stomachache and fear of inadequacy. It also wiped out my teenage years and left me with trust issues.
But now I had Max. All of him. And I knew Win was okay with it. My friends accepted me the way I am. Elite had mostly accepted me. And like I told Max, our parents weren’t here. So fuck everyone else. My life had been on hold long enough.
If I wanted to drive a Jeep that would draw eyes with its bright-ass color, I would. Let them look. Enjoy the show. My orientation was no longer something I kept on the down-low. And if Max kept up his clear commitment to PDA, well, if people didn’t know yet, they would.
Also, how fucking hot was it that he was so handsy in public? Like he was showing me off. Like he was proud of me.
I wasn’t going to apologize anymore for being me. Why should I invalidate my own feelings to validate someone else who didn’t even matter? The people who mattered to me already showed up, so, bro, yeah, I was gonna drive the Jeep.
