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This is why I must apologize in advance for asking you to be his guardian. I fear it will make you confused and even suppress the way your relationship might have developed if we’d been here to let you know it’s okay. But if I must entrust my baby to anyone, it could only be to you, Max, because you love him more than anyone else. The papers are being prepared as I write this, but even without asking yet, I know. I know you will sign them without hesitation. You would do anything to keep him with you, and that is my greatest wish.
I want you to know that your dad and I have noticed the unspoken chemistry between you, even if it’s still unknown to both of you. Do not let our unique family situation keep you from loving each other the way you want, the way you’re meant to. Your dad and I love you both no matter what. We support you always.
And, Wesley, honey, I know you never got the chance to “come out” to us, but you never had to. We love you as you are. You are brave and strong and deserve all the happiness you can scoop up with both your hands. Anyone you decide to give your love to will be blessed beyond measure. I do hope that you and Max will find each other. I hope you don’t let obstacles that mean nothing stand in your path.
Perhaps you have found this and think I am indeed crazy. Perhaps the intuition that you boys are more than brothers is simply wrong. That’s okay too. On the off chance this letter finds you when you need it most, I simply want you to know that I approve of whatever you choose in your lives, even if that is each other.
I wish for you three to take care of each other always, and don’t fight. Remember time is precious. I wish I could be there for all your firsts, for your marriages, and hopefully my grandchildren. Life, it seems, has other plans. Know that we will be watching over you wherever we end up and that we have so much love for you that much of it will remain behind in my stead.
I love you in life and in death.
Mom
I watched him read, becoming so engrossed in the words on the page that the world around him ceased to exist. I watched him blink past blurry vision, through tears he rapidly swiped away. I sat there knowing what he was feeling, as I had felt it too. From the moment Win put that letter in my hands, my life was altered.
The room was silent like a tomb, still as he sat there clutching the words our mother wrote. When he finally spoke, his voice seemed foreign to my ears. “Where did you find this?”
“Win found it at their house last night. It was mixed in with some papers in the safe.”
“How did it get there?”
“I don’t know. The lawyer must have left it.”
We were sitting side by side on the end of the bed, both our feet planted on the carpet underfoot. The letter lay open against his thighs, hand still curled around the page like he was afraid it might disappear.
But even if the paper did disappear, those words she’d left behind would echo in my soul forever. Words I would never stop being grateful for.
Finally, he turned, eyes seeking mine. “She knew about us.”
I nodded, feeling the same kind of awe I heard in his voice. “Even before we did.”
“I know I said I didn’t care,” he whispered, stopping to drag in a ragged breath. “Reading this makes me realize I did. I cared so much.”
Heart pinching, I reached around to cup the back of his head. “I know, baby. I know.”
“She didn’t care, Max,” he whispered, glancing once more at the paper with the familiar handwriting I hadn’t seen in four years but would never fail to recognize.
My stomach was churning, flipping with emotions I couldn’t name. My eyes stung, and my chest was tight. Breathing took real effort, and my lungs strained with the exertion.
I missed her so much that sometimes it hit me out of nowhere. Some days, it threatened to cut me in half. I knew she apologized for things she couldn’t control, but I didn’t care about that. What I got was better than not having her at all.
“She didn’t care.” I agreed, sounding just as shell-shocked and vacant. We weren’t vacant, though. We were so full there was literally no room for anything else.
His big brown eyes were wet when they stared into mine. The way they shone robbed my lungs of breath. “She wanted us to be together. She wants me to make you official.”
I spun to face him and stretched one leg across the mattress while leaving the other planted on the floor. I tugged him between my legs, feeling his shoulder bump against my chest. “She wants you to follow your heart.” I corrected. Yes, I wanted him, but he had to want that too.
“Oh, Maxi.” Wes sighed, emotion bleeding out into his voice. “Why do you think I’ve been following you around since I was three? Youaremy heart. You always have been.” He glanced down at the letter, smiling softly. “And she knew.”
A sound ripped out of me as I pulled him in, our bodies rotating to press close. The paper crinkled a bit as it caught between us, sandwiched by two bare chests, a mother being hugged for the last time by the sons who loved her endlessly.
Her acceptance was the greatest gift we could ever receive. The greatest giftIwould ever receive. Because she didn’t have to love me. I wasn’t her obligation, her chore, or even her namesake. She loved me anyway. She loved me enough to trust me with her baby, her soft spot.
Wes was already mine. I made him mine despite the conflict in my heart. I’d been prepared to live with the knowledge our parents might take away the love I so cherished because it was him I refused to live without.
But I could have both. I could have Wes and their love. I could have peace in knowing they approved. It felt like heavy gray storm clouds had finally parted to let in the warm rays of gold.
Our lips latched at some point as we held each other, both of us so consumed by emotion that words fell away. We kissed until my lips felt raw, and I nudged him up the bed, wanting to lay him out beneath me.
