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“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I scoffed, turning to go get dressed.
“He’s nineteen now.” Win’s words followed me. “An adult.”
I stopped walking. “So?”
“So you can stop denying how much you want him.”
Sucking in a sharp breath, I spun, pinning my brother with an incredulous look. “What? I don’t—”
Win pushed away from the counter, dropping his arms. “We’ve been best friends since kindergarten. You think I can’t see it? You think I don’t know the reason you wanted me to tell him I was his guardian was that it made you feel sick for having feelings for not only your underage brother but your legal responsibility.”
“He’s not—”
“I know he’s not.” Win cut me off again. “But that’s how you felt, right? Like you were doing something wrong, like you were betraying Mom and Dad. Probably me too. But even after I turned eighteen, you wouldn’t sign over guardianship because you couldn’t bear to give up any part of him.”
Anger tore through me, resentment and rage so strong that I flew across the room, shoving myself into Win’s face, hammering my black gaze into his. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
Win smirked, the only person on this planet besides Wes with enough balls to look into my simmering temper and do so. “You saying it’s not true?”
I made a strangled sound. “Mom asked me to watch out for him. Me. I couldn’t just sign away my promise.”
Win nodded. “So we lied to him instead.”
I made a sound, chest constricting. “What fucking choice did I have?”
His head cocked to the side. “Maybe you didn’t. But it’s different now.”
My eyes flashed up.
He half smiled. “He’s not great at hiding how he looks at you. You have to see.”
I swallowed thickly. I saw. I didn’t even have to look to see. I fucking felt it in my bones. I hoped whatever it was between us, his little crush would fizzle over the years. It didn’t. It only got harder to deny, the pull between us growing stronger.
I fought and fought. But then he almost died.
I almost lost him completely.
I realized what I have of him just isn’t enough.
Win frowned, and the smug, all-knowing look he sported dimmed, leaving behind concern. “Oh. I, ah… I thought you had feelings for him.” He cursed, rubbing a palm over his face. “I didn’t realize it was one-sided.”
The absolute desolation of almost losing Wes, of realizing I didn’t have him the way I wanted, must have shown on my face. Win interpreted it as me being horrified that our little brother had less-than-brotherly feelings for me.
I should have run with it. Used it as more cover.
I couldn’t. Not after the accident. The kiss. After someone had finally put out there what no one else had.
“It’s not one-sided.” My voice was like gravel, the confession rattling the bars of the caged-up feelings I kept deep inside me.
Win was quiet a beat, then, “That’s good.”
My eyebrows rose. “Good? What about this is good?” I exploded, my whole body moving with the force of my emotion and words. “I’m in love with my brother, Win.Ourbrother. I promised Mom on her deathbed I would keep us together. That I would take care of him. What the fuck do you think she’d say if she knew…?”All the dirty things I wanted to do to her baby. All the things I dreamed about.“How I felt about him?”
“Our parents loved and trusted you enough to leave guardianship to you. Maybe they’d be happy.”
“Happy?” I scoffed, a strangled sound following the word. “You just said it. They trusted me. Trusted me to take care of him, not to drag him into some forbidden relationship.”
“Again, I see the way he looks at you. You wouldn’t be dragging him into anything.”
