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The trick was to do light layers of everything. If makeup looked too built up, it got cakey. And that was when one looked like a clown instead of what I was going for: effortlessly beautiful.
Although Damon had seen me without makeup, so he already knew what lay behind the foundation. And he seemed to like it? That couldn’t be right.
“Stop it,” Carlie said as she held a piece of my hair against the piping hot curling wand. “I see you talking yourself down in your head. Yes, Damon is attractive. Extremely so. And he’s nice. And he’s got a good job. And he’s got his head on straight. But you are all of that too, Ella. And he seems to really like you. So don’t do that thing you do.”
I pursed my lips, knowing exactly Carlie was talking about. What I was already in the process of doing: telling myself I wasn’t good enough or too good or not whatever or too whatever. Anything to warn myself off before I got attached to anyone. This was how I managed to be midway through my thirties and yet to have a serious relationship. Sure, I’d dated guys for a bit, sometimes a few months, one even a year, but I’d kept them all at a distance, their faults or mine in the forefront of my mind.
“You deserve this,” Carlie said as she finished my last curl.
I leaned closer to the mirror to apply eyeliner. Too busy to come up with an answer for my sister.
Once upon a time I’d hoped for a Prince Charming, a guy to come along and complete me. Then I’d seen what had happened to Carlie. I’d lived through that darkness with her. And my choice of career didn’t help. I saw the most barbaric side of humanity day in and day out, first in the Marines and now at Aurora.
There was good in the world, in mankind, I saw that too. But the other stuff seemed to stick more, to remind me that I could never truly know someone. What if they fooled me enough for me to fall in love? What if after I was in so deep they showed their true colors and took advantage of that love?
Love didn’t make one weak, but it did make one vulnerable. And that terrified me like nothing else.
I hoped Carlie’s words were true. That I deserved a chance at love. But I didn’t know if I’d ever find out, because getting a chance at love meant taking a chance.
“He’s a good guy,” Carlie continued while I carefully applied my jet-black liner, giving myself a dramatic cat eye.
“Alex knows him well. He’s known him and Jax for years.”
That was a great recommendation. Even if my brother annoyed me, I knew he wouldn’t lie about something like this. Especially after Carlie’s experience, our family wouldn’t mess around with our love lives.
I pulled my head back. How the heck had I been so involved in my own stuff that I’d forgotten Carlie liked Jax? Really liked him.
Worst sister of the year award, right here.
“I’m so sorry. I was so worked up.” I stopped my excuses. “Tell me everything.”
Carlie grinned.
“Hey, I’m used to it. Being your sister means getting used to living behind the scenes on the Ella show,” she teased.
I rolled my eyes in protest but she wasn’t wrong. I’d been ridiculously selfish. Thankfully Carlie wasn’t one to get frustrated easily and she’d already forgiven me, her eyes alight with what she wanted to share.
“Jax asked me out for this weekend. Apparently he’s not quite as eager as Damon, but I’m excited,” Carlie added, a gigantic grin covering her face.
“I’d say Jax is the eager one, considering he asked you out and I was the one to ask Damon out,” I said with a raised eyebrow and then felt my inner self begin to freak out again. I’d asked Damon out. Was he just going out with me to be kind?
“Stop it,” Carlie commanded and I did. Or at least I tried. My self-doubt spiral was just starting up again when she added, “He followed you around like a puppy that night at Mom and Dad’s, and he’s the one that asked for your number. The guy is into you. I swear it.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding. What Carlie had pointed out was all true. I still couldn’t understand how could a guy like Damon be interested in me, but I realized I was making this about me again and focused on my sister.
“I promise to be there when you’re getting ready too. Behind the scenes on the Carlie show,” I said as I closed my liner and moved on to mascara.
Carlie laughed. “You’ll try. But if work comes up, it comes up,” she replied easily.
“Is that what it’s like to be related to such a selfish person?” I said, truly feeling badly. She was right. I would do everything I could to be there, but if we got a lead on the Beast Boys, it would have to take precedence.
Carlie frowned. “El, your job is one of the most selfless ones ever. You go out there and save people,” Carlie countered.
“So do you,” I reminded her. She was a freaking good nurse.
“In other ways. There aren’t many emergency situations in the pediatric office. And I’m hardly ever putting my own life on the line. But you do that, because you are maybe the very best person I know.”
I shook my head. “Maybe my selfishness in forgetting to ask you about Jax was forgivable, but not being there for you during your . . . ”
