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“We got her. We got you, too. The minister guy said we’re close to full, so he’s getting ready to start unless you want to take a few more minutes…”
Mickey hesitated. Everything about him went tranquil as he gazed around the room then up to the front. There would be no casket, not here. There was a picture of Ms. Stephanie at the front, though. Everyone who came in tracked their eyes to it. Even now, I caught Jasper staring at it, his expression brooding. Then Milo put a hand on his shoulder and the pair shared a small smile.
I hated that they were hurting.
Hated it so much.
“We’re good,” Mickey said finally, turning to hold out his hand to me. I took it, then held out my free hand to Freddie. He clasped it easily, and I walked up to the front with them. Mickey would sit in the first row while the guys took the row with us, along with the one directly behind us.
It didn’t escape me that Milo had Mickey’s back or that Liam settled on the far side of Freddie or Jasper took an outer row seat.
“Good morning,” Roland said, heading to the podium in the front. “It always seems odd to say good morning, good afternoon, or even good evening when we gather for a memorial or funeral service. Like sayinggoodis somehow anathema to why we are here…”
He paused for a moment, his gaze going to Mickey.
“Losing someone we care about is always difficult. Few, if any, words can soften that loss. What is good, however, is sharing that loss with others. Coming together to remember, to support, to love… Stephanie James touched many lives. She changed the lives of nearly every person in this room…”
Mickey’s hand tightened around mine, as did Freddie’s. I held onto both of them as I listened to Roland speak. I wish I’d gotten more time with Ms. Stephanie. More time to know her as they all did. I loved her because they loved her, and more—because I’d seen just how much she loved all of them.
CHAPTER12
DOC
The next two hours passed almost too swiftly. One by one, every single one of those boys got up there and said something about Steph, even Rome. They shared their memories, their affection, and their loss. More than that, they shared their hope.
Every single one except Milo. I understood. I wasn’t sure I could get up there and talk, either. Having the kids here helped. Having the guys here helped. Having Little Bitright here? Helped.
Didn’t change the fact Steph wasn’t here. All in all, more than a dozen others came forward with stories or tributes. The slimmest fraction of the lives she’d touched. Yet, I appreciated them all. It was hard to resent the fruits of her life’s work when they were sharing how much she’d meant to them.
When Milo finally stood, Little Bit’s hand tightened on mine. He walked up to the front. Instead of facing us though, he stared at Steph’s photograph.
“I don’t have to look at the faces in this room to know who Ms. Stephanie touched,” he said, straightening as his shoulders went back. The weight of the world had been weighing him down for so long that it left his throat scratchy at how much of a burden the world had been to that kid.
A kid who’d grown into a man. Maybe not the man the kid intended to be, but a man, nonetheless. Milo had taken a wild hit that knocked him off course. But he was rebuilding himself, one day at a time.
“I wish I had better words to describe what she meant to me. Or all the things she taught me. She never made a promise that she didn’t do her damnedest to keep. She taught that one polite word was better than a hundred rude ones. She reminded us that we were human and that it was okay to screw up. Forgiveness and acceptance were her love language. I wouldn’t have survived without Ms. Stephanie. I’m going to miss you.”
Closing my eyes, I dropped my chin. Missing her was like missing a limb. Little Bit dropped her head against my shoulder and I cracked my eyelids to look down at her.
I didn’t deserve this comfort, either. Not when I’d pushed her away so hard. A part of me agreed that she deserved far better than me. I was too fucking old for her. I’d held her as a baby. Only I didn’t see that baby when I looked at her.
Nor did I see Milo’s baby sister, or even that broken, abused girl that a far too impulsive for his own good Jasper had stolen and then they’d brought to me at the clinic. The brown eyes gazing up at me steadily housed a maturity and a strength I couldn’t have imagined.
Didn’t deserve her. Shouldn’t want her. Wasn’t letting her go. Obsessed. I’d drag myself over shrapnel and broken glass if it kept her with me. Kept her with us.
Eventually, the service ended. Roland took the time to speak to everyone. There was food and drinks laid out as more people came in to share memories and time. I avoided the well-wishers and the sympathizers. Instead, I stayed to the side, tracking the movement in the room.
Little Bit was never alone, she floated between us. For a time, she was with Milo, comforting him. She went to Freddie, teasing a smile from him and then rewarding him with a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. With her presence alone, she chased away the gloom and lightened the air around us.
“You got this?” Bones asked as he moved to lean against the wall next to me. I’d spoken to a few of those present, but most were giving me distance. Then again, I was now what most of these guys and some girls had been for years: an orphan.
Didn’t matter that I was in my thirties. We’d lost our parents a long time before. Older than me by a decade, Steph fought to keep me with her, and she’d fought to keep me on the straight and narrow. I’d been a little shit and Steph had been my family.
Not willing to lie to Bones, I just shrugged. “Another hour. Max. Then I want Little Bit out of here.” Out of public scrutiny. We all had her, Liam and Jasper alternated with who had her back. Kellan kept her in his sightline, and Vaughn was her shadow. Freddie and Milo took most of her attention at the moment. Where the fuck was…
Rome ghosted along the edges of the room. His twin moved in the other direction. They were both scanning the space. Everyone took a different position, a different angle—no one was left with their back exposed.
“We taking you two back to the warehouse, or you want to go somewhere else?” Bones was about as much into conversation as I was, but Lunchbox and Voodoo were also positioned so that one of them was always within reach of Little Bit.
