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“Freddie,” she said, sliding out of the chair. She knelt in front of my seat, and I shifted my leg so I didn’t have a knee in her face. “You are worth everything.”
No, I wasn’t.
“Yes, you are,” she said, as if arguing the thought I hadn’t spoken aloud. She covered my hand with hers, and there was a question in her eyes. When she started to pull her hand away, I clasped her fingers. She could touch me; I liked it when she did. “You are worth it to me.”
I opened my mouth then closed it again. How the fuck did I argue with that? She was worth it to me, too…worth so much more. Dropping the dead cigarette into the fire pit, I squeezed her hand and then pulled out my phone.
Boo-Boo didn’t pull away. She just watched me as I skimmed through my apps and pulled up the music one. Finding the version of the song I wanted took me a hot minute. When I had it, I stood up slowly, still holding her hand, and tugged gently.
Graceful as always, Boo-Boo rose to stand with me. Fear fluttered in my stomach, like acid burning its way out. “Will you dance with me?”
Surprise flickered over her face. “Up here?”
“Yep,” I said, then pressed play on the music and tucked the phone into my shirt pocket before I could lose my nerve. The soft piano version of “Infinity” by Jaymes Young drifted out, almost too soft with the breeze but more than loud enough for us. Her eyes brightened at the first couple of bars.
She put a hand on my shoulder as I settled one on her hip. I didn’t know much about fancy dancing, but I could do this. For fourteen perfect seconds, she drifted with me and the world narrowed its focus down to just the two of us.
At the sixteen-second mark, I began to sing and it came out a little broken and rusty at first. Fuck knew singing right after I smoked probably wasn’t a great idea, but Boo-Boo’s eyes grew so wide. Surprise and delight filtered across her face and every single fear I had went to ash just like that cigarette.
I sang for her, and she danced with me.
CHAPTER14
EMERSYN
Disbelief and joy were the most tightly wound emotions. No matter what anyone else said, they were the ones that often seemed to appear together, at least for me. Not sure what it said about me that being happy was not often believable in my life.
Actually, I knew exactly what it said about me. I didn’t trust happiness, not when it was explicit or genuine. Instead, I was far more comfortable with darker emotions.
Pain and I were longtime companions. Misery and loneliness made up the rest of my circle. When I followed Freddie up to the roof, it had been more about worry for him disappearing on his own when he’d been facing so much hurt.
That was the thing about soul-deep injuries; they left scars no one could see. Scars that smarted like bad joints did in the cold or in the rain. Scars that flashed with fire when new injuries managed to touch too close to them. Scars that, by their nature, couldn’t be erased.
I traced my fingers over the scars on the inside of my forearms. They were hardly gone, even if my awareness of them had faded some. I could forget for a while. Become so used to their presence I didn’t seethemas I had before.
That didn’t make them go away. However, it did dull the memory of what caused them to a point. Softened the harsh reminder of what they were—the result of a choice I made to protect the men I loved.
Love.
That word was almost as alien to me as was happiness. Yet, both were daily companions. I used to keep everyone and everything at arm’s length. I learned to not make friends, for isolation was safer for me. Safer for others. My one guilty indulgence had been my best friend.
Speaking of which, I glanced down at my phone. There was still no response from her. The app where we still talked whenever we could was open and my last three messages hadn’t been read.
Me:
The funeral was hard. I know I said I wouldn’t interfere, but I think Milo could use a call if you can.
Me:
I miss you. Let me know you’re all right.
Me:
If I don’t hear from you soon, I’m calling Ezra.
Again, nothing.
Unease slid through my system. After the night of terror, Ezra had let Liam know she was all right. She was safe. That was the only reason I hadn’t freaked out. At the same time…
