Page 47 of Heartful


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“Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah. She will come back, right?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure. What are you coloring?”

“I drew our family,” she says proudly, holding up the paper and smiling at me.

There’s a man and woman, two children, and a dog, all standing in the front yard of a big house that looks remarkably like mine and Ivy’s.

“It’s great, honey,” I say, studying the childlike drawing. “Who are the other people?”

“That’s my new mommy that you are getting, and then you’ll get me a sister and a dog.”

My chest clenches at her words. I wish I had the honesty of a child to be able to tell her that our future probably wouldn’t look like that. My finger reaches out to trace the scene as I really take it in.

“Where am I getting you a new mommy?” I ask her.

She pins me with a look that reminds me of her mom, sending another pang through my chest. “From the show.”

I glance back toward the kitchen, where I know Mom and Alice are still talking. I lower myself all the way to sit on the floor next to Ivy.

“What do you know about the show?”

“Not much, just that Nana said it was a sort of show where men and women date to find someone to marry.”

“Nana said too much,” I say with a scowl.

Ivy looks up at me. “Are you mad? Don’t be mad. I’m glad she told me. I’m excited for a new mommy.”

“Ivy,” I start, and she looks at me quizzically, waiting for whatever I’m going to say. I don’t have it in me to crush her dreams of having a mother, but I also don’t want to lie to her. “It’s not guaranteed,” is what I end up with and then grimace.

“What does that mean?” She wrinkles her cute button nose again, and I reach out to boop it with my finger.

“It’s just a long word that means I’m not sure how things will end, and I don’t want you disappointed if or when I don’t get married.”

“I might not get a mommy?” Her eyes are wide, focused on me.

I clench my hands into fists. Looks like I’m going to have to have a talk with my mom. There’s a reason I didn’t approach this with Ivy yet. I wanted to tell her on my own time and in my own way.

I glance toward the doorway again, and I’m surprised to see Alice and Mom hovering, their faces telling me that they no doubt heard what Ivy just said.

“Hey, Ivy!” Alice calls out, distracting her.

I suck in a deep, thankful breath that I don’t have to answer her inquiry about a mom right now. I didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t break her fragile little heart. I wish things were as black and white in the real world as they were for kids. I wish I could just get her a mommy.

“Miss Alice?” Ivy asks before a smile breaks out across her face. “What are you doing here?”

“Your daddy wanted me to come along to pick you up. I’m your new nanny!”

Ivy squeals. I stand up as she flies at Alice, throwing herself into her arms, and they hug. Mom jerks her head at me, indicating she’d like to talk in the kitchen.

With one final look at Alice and Ivy, who have moved to the floor, where I was sitting only moments ago, I marvel at Alice’s ability to connect with a child immediately and just talk, knowing the right things to say.

As I round the corner into the kitchen, I’m met with Mom’s apologetic face.

“Before you say anything, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to let it slip, but she knows more than you think. She happened to see some of the show before I even knew it was on. But all she saw was you, not Alice. So, you can approach that the way you want. But I had to tell her something.”

I move to sit on the barstool at the island, and I shake my head, reaching to rub the back of my neck. “It’s fine. I’m just trying to figure out how to navigate all of this.”

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