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She slept on her stomach, the sheet barely covering her ass. My fingers itched to pull it down so I could see her body in the daylight. She was gorgeous last night, but I wanted to see every freckle and divot. I drew in a sharp breath at the thought of waking her with my mouth between her legs.
My cock was hard when I woke, and it was throbbing along with my thoughts now.
The desire to taste her was so strong. I moved my gaze to her face where her eyelashes rested peacefully over her skin, making her look innocent.
It was a good thing her breasts were pressed into the mattress. If not, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to resist. Her breasts were small and perky, and she was so responsive to my touch. Last night when I touched her nipples, it drove her wild.
I couldn’t remember a time I enjoyed just being with a woman. With Lily, I’d snapped; all reason left me. I acted on pure desire, setting aside any concerns, worries, or trepidations about the future or hurting her.
I was selfish, but it felt so good. My fingers itched with the need to touch her soft skin. I wanted to kiss down her back, spread her legs, and lick her center.
I scrubbed a hand over my face to erase the image. I was careful not to jostle the bed. Lily needed her sleep, and I needed to get to work. With the increased workload, I’d been coming in early and leaving late. Ryan was right. I couldn’t keep this schedule up, but it was a good excuse to get out of Lily’s bed and her house.
No matter how good last night felt, I didn’t belong here. Lily was obviously close with her family. They’d given her the means to start a business, to live her dreams. They supported her. Loved her. When she learned about my family, if she hadn’t already, she’d understand why we weren’t a good match.
I slowly climbed out of bed, pulling my jeans over my hips, wondering what happened to my briefs.
I tiptoed down the steps, doing my best to avoid any creaks in the floorboards. I was almost to the door before the burning sensation in my chest made me turn around to look for a pad of paper and a pen in her kitchen. As I scribbled a quick note of apology, the sensation eased. I pulled on my boots, slowly turned the knob on the front door, making sure it was locked when I closed it.
Driving down the lane, I hoped Lily hadn’t heard me fire up the motorcycle. It was loud, but I didn’t have a choice. I needed to escape. Waking up in her house was too domestic. Too reminiscent of the life I’d never have.
I never quite felt at home at Nana’s. I’d always felt like an outsider or a guest, no matter how much she tried to make me feel otherwise. Before I moved in with Nana, I lived in a trailer park, moving from place to place, never settling in. Annapolis was the closest place to home as I’d lived here the longest.
If I thought being with Lily would get her out of my system, I was wrong. Things would be even worse now that I knew what it was like to be with her. I’d only crave her more. This wasn’t a woman I could wash out of my system.
She was the total package. She came with so many things, things that threatened to consume me.
What would happen when she’d had enough of me? When she decided she was done with her trip on the bad-boy side? It would hurt all over again.
I never stopped remembering what it felt like to watch my mom leave. To stand by while Hailey watched from the second-floor windowsill, waiting for her to return. And when she did, she’d only leave again, leaving Hailey more upset.
Each time she visited, I hardened my heart against her. It also had the unfortunate effect of hardening my heart against any and all connections. I didn’t let anyone in.
With Lily, I was on borrowed time. Our end was inevitable, and I wasn’t sure I’d survive it, no matter how long it lasted. I was tempted to break it off after the barn, but then I’d stayed, sleeping in her bed, going for a second round, and contemplating a third.
I was an idiot. Each time with Lily would only make it harder to leave. I should cut her off now. It was the right choice.
My heart contracted in my chest at the memory of leaving her in bed, sleeping peacefully. I wish I could be the guy that would stay and wake up next to her, but I wasn’t. It was better she learned that now than to figure it out later.
Pain settled in my chest with each breath I took on the ride away from Lily’s farm. I hated the thought of not seeing her again or avoiding her except to talk about her van. The roads were quiet as I drove through town and pulled into the garage’s lot. Turning off the engine, I headed inside and toward the back, to the tiny bathroom with the narrow shower.
I couldn’t help diving into the fantasy of what would have happened if I’d stayed. Without question, I’d have woken her with an orgasm. Would it have led to more? Would we have showered together like we wanted to last night? Would she have made me breakfast? I rubbed the uncomfortable sensation in my chest.
No one had ever taken care of me. My mother hadn’t, and Nana tried, but she had her hands full with Hailey. I’d had to grow up quickly, looking after Hailey and helping Nana with her house and property.
I turned on the water and slipped out of my clothes. Stepping under the lukewarm water, I questioned whether I should head back to her place to bring her breakfast. I could almost salvage the damage I’d done by leaving.
Dropping my head to allow the water to flow over my sore muscles, I knew it wasn’t possible. I needed to work, and she didn’t need false promises.
It was better this way. No promises. No thoughts of a future.
I scrubbed my skin with the bar of soap I’d left here for times when I slept on the couch. I could have something with Lily, but would I even know how to do it? I’d never been in a long-term relationship. Never maintained one other than with my sister, Nana, Ryan, and Corey.
No girl had ever had the power to break down my walls. To see the man underneath. And Lily wouldn’t either.
Washing off the soap, I quickly washed my hair and rinsed out the shampoo. I needed to get it together. I didn’t lose my head over a woman. Ever. And I wasn’t about to start doing it now, no matter how different Lily was. How attractive or alluring.
Images of her last night kept popping into my head. Her standing on the porch, her body illuminated from behind, the softness of her hair in my hands, her lying on the hood of the GTO, her hand reaching for me. I shouldn’t have offered to sleep with her in the GTO or move to the house to be more comfortable. I had multiple opportunities to walk away, and I should have.
