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I’d fallen right into his trap. “Of course not.”
“But you won’t know if you don’t try.”
“I don’t know if I want that.” I rolled my shoulders back, trying to ease the tension between the blades. I didn’t want a connection or one more person on my list I needed to protect. Except I liked the idea of protecting Lily, holding her while we slept, waking with her in the morning.
“Everyone wants to connect with people.”
My jaw tightened. “I have you and Hailey.”
“Not that you’re not welcome, but we have our own lives. One day, we’re going to have kids of our own.”
A pang hit my heart. “You’re saying there won’t be space in your lives for me?”
“You know that’s not it. That’s not what I meant.” He drew in a breath before continuing. “I want you to have the same thing. Our kids could grow up together.”
Irritation crept up my spine because an image of two blonde children, a boy and a girl, popped into my head. “That’s complete bullshit, and you know it. Trying something with Lily is a far cry from having kids with her.”
Ryan tipped his head to the side. “Everything is possible if you’d just give it a chance.”
I shook my head, the familiar ache coming alive in my chest. There were conflicting emotions flitting through me, desire for more with Lily and the past dragging me back, telling me I wasn’t good enough for her. It would be selfish to even try. She deserved so much better. “There are so many things wrong with that statement.”
“You’re judging your life by how one person treated you.”
I didn’t respond because he was right. But I couldn’t see past what I’d experienced. “You didn’t stand there and watch Hailey fall apart every time my mom left.”
Ryan’s expression softened. “I know it was hard, but you have to move past your issues with your mother if you want to be happy.”
I chuckled without any humor. “I gave up on being happy a long time ago.”
Fourteen
LILY
Iwoke up feeling warm and content. I rolled over, stretching my arms and legs like a starfish. Realizing I was naked, and the bed was empty, I sat up. Jake was here last night. There was still an indentation from his head on the pillow, but he wasn’t there.
I looked around the empty room, devoid of any remnants of Jake, his clothing, shoes, or phone. I listened carefully for any noise downstairs, evidence that he was making coffee or breakfast.
When I heard nothing but the tick of my grandfather’s clock in the hallway, I sighed. I wasn’t sure why I’d hoped for more. But Jake had been different last night. He could easily have left when the rain stopped, when we moved from the barn to the house. But he hadn’t.
It almost would have been easier if he had. I wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up, wishing for something more. Instead, I’d stupidly assumed he’d still be here when the sun rose.
I checked my phone for a message, but there was none. It was exactly what I’d expect from a man like Jake.
He didn’t stake his claim on women. He didn’t get anyone’s hopes up for a relationship. He was a love ’em and leave ’em type without the actual falling in love piece.
Getting out of bed, I entered the bathroom. The vase of tulips I’d cut from the front yard helped with the sense of loss. Turning on the water, I stepped inside when it warmed. Soaping my skin, I realized it still hummed with the feeling of Jake’s fingers and tongue running over it. There was a small ache between my legs that reminded me Jake had been here last night, even if there was no physical trace of him this morning.
Watching the bubbles swirl the drain, I wondered if Jake was going to ignore what happened between us. Would he even help me with Grandpa’s car? Had I ruined everything by being impulsive?
Needing to get to work, I rushed through shampooing and conditioning my hair. Stepping out, I braided my still-damp hair, then pulled on a matching lace thong and bra in case Jake ended up in my bed again tonight. Then I chided myself for that silly wish. I picked one of the yellow dresses from my closet because the color made me feel good and grabbed a pair of white sneakers.
Pushing away thoughts of last night, I refocused on my to-do list. I needed to meet with Gia, tell her my plans, and see if she had any suggestions for me to complete the work.
I knew she’d ask about hiring someone at the shop. I didn’t want to. It would eat into my tiny profit, but I didn’t have a choice if I wanted to get the farm ready.
Maybe I could get someone on a part-time basis. Not someone who wanted a full-time job, so it wouldn’t be a big deal when I could work my hours in the summer.
Of course, if things went well with Zoe and Max’s wedding, maybe there’d be more. Gia could recommend the location to anyone who wanted a rustic farm wedding. That would be amazing.
