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“I’m not sure,” I lie. I know how long, down to the day. “How are things there?”
Another pause. This one’s more loaded. “Well, you know,” she says cautiously. “Things change. Listen, Melody—”
“I heard about Dad,” I say before she tells me. Renee’s one of the few people from back then I don’t still hate. She’s the only one that ever listened to me, the only one that took me seriously, even when everyone else said I was only making crazy accusations to get some attention. I loved Renee for that, even if she couldn’t do anything about it, and I still do. She made mistakes, nobody’s ever perfect, but I never held them against her.
The relief in her voice breaks my heart, because that means it’s true. “I’m sorry, kid. I really am. You know how we all feel about your old man.”
I do, and that’s part of why I left and why I can’t go back.
Colton Leader was a man without peer. He was a real rancher, an old-school rancher, the first one up in the morning, the last one done with work in the evening, always out among the horses, out with the cattle, out digging ditches and mending fences and laughing with the workers and doing what needs doing. Colton Leader was magnetic, like the winds that whipped down through the grasslands, like the smell of fresh flowers drifting through the air on a lazy afternoon, like hard rain against harder rock. Colton Leader inspired loyalty and devotion. Colton Leader gave as much as he was given.
And now he’s dying.
“How is he? Really that bad?” I ask, almost hoping for some other answer.
“Really that bad,” she confirms. “Lung cancer. The ugly kind too, I guess. He’s not… your dad’s doing the best he can. Are you coming home to see him? I know it’s been a real long time but—”
“No,” I say sharper than I intended.
But she doesn’t sound surprised. “That’s all right. I’m just happy to hear from you.”
“How’s everything else? How are—” I almost ask about Uncle Lovett and Uncle Dudley and all my cousins, but I can’t make myself speak their names.
Renee seems to know who I mean. “They’re all right. About the same as they were, which, well, you know how that goes. We’ve been holding it down the best we can—” She stops short and clears her throat. Silence falls, and I hear a lot in that silence.
Holding it down the best they can—but it’s hard to keep a body running without its heart, and Leader Ranch without Colton Leader is flesh and no spark.
The silence stretches. I wish I hadn’t called. This was a huge mistake—not only because I can hear the pain in Renee’s tone and sense that something’s going wrong back at the ranch, but also because hearing her again makes me miss home so fiercely it’s like thunder in my chest. I told myself I wouldn’t do this, and now that I am, I wish I could take it all back.
“Listen, I just called to check in,” I say quickly before it gets too strained. “Tell Dad—” I pause, not sure what I want him to hear. “Well, don’t tell him anything.”
“I won’t, Melody.” Renee sighs. “But he doesn’t have all that much time. If you can come home, even for a little while, and say your goodbyes, that’d be a real good idea. And maybe we can go for a ride like we used to.”
I smile to myself. Renee taught me most of what I know about life on a ranch, about how to handle a horse, how to muck out a stall and tie a knot and everything I hold dear. Renee helped define me. “That sounds nice. I’ll think about it.”
“It’s good hearing from you, Melody.”
“You too.”
I hang up before I start to cry.
* * *
Kat sitsat the picnic bench outside of the main offices and sips an iced tea in the shade. A breeze kicks through her hair and she smiles at me awkwardly and leans forward. “You okay?” she asks. “You’ve been a little off since—”
“Since the incident?” I grimace and nod. “I’m fine.” We haven’t spoken about what happened with War yet and I’ve been dreading this, but I can’t put it off forever. “You probably want to know why I decided to try out for the hundred-meter dash that day, right?”
“More like the marathon.” She grins at me. “Once you got going, nothing was going to stop you.”
I groan and put my face in my hands. “I’m pretty embarrassed, not gonna lie.”
“Totally understand. You literally ran from your problems. Not the best look in the world.”
“Kat.”
“What? I’m not allowed to tease you?”
“No, it’s fine.” I put my hands flat on the table and take a steadying breath. A seed pod swirls down through the air and lands on the bench by my legs. “War told me something about my family, and it triggered some really bad memories and I sort of lost it a little bit.”
