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By the time we pulled into a motel right off the freeway, Rhett had fallen asleep in the back seat and my shoulders were so tense it felt like they were permanently stuck up next to my ears. I parked and grabbed Rhett’s limp frame out of his car seat and lugged him into the main lobby. He was getting so big that it was a struggle to carry him anymore if he wasn’t clinging like a monkey, but I didn’t mind.
“Looks like you got your hands full,” the lady at the front desk said, smiling.
I let out a breath of relief. I’d met quite a few creepers when checking in to discount motels. After dark seemed to be the worst time for it. Men saw a woman and a baby and automatically thought we were easy prey or that I was looking for some kind of savior.
“We just need a room for the night,” I said, shifting Rhett to one arm so I could get into my purse. “Your vacancy sign is lit.”
“Plenty of rooms available,” she said, looking at her computer as she nodded. “One bed okay?”
“That’s perfect.”
“Okay, good,” she said, winking at me. “The single beds are cheaper. Oh, and I see you’re a road rewards member! Good news, that gives you a discount.”
I had no clue what a road rewards member was, but I wasn’t going to argue if it was going to save me money. Hell, I’d tap dance on the desk if she told me it would save me a few bucks.
I watched her for a few moments. “Do you think I could pay in cash?” I asked, biting the inside of my cheek. Usually, the hotels didn’t let you pay in cash. They had to have a credit card on file in case you trashed the room—but that was the thing—I didn’t want any digital record of my stay. Not this close to home.
“You okay, hun?” she asked, glancing behind me at the door.
“I’d just rather not use a credit card,” I said, smiling weakly.
She looked at me and then down at Rhett. “Okay,” she said with a firm nod. “Now don’t be tellin’ anyone, but for you, we’ll make an exception—just this once.”
“Thank you so much,” I said, trying and failing to hide my relief.
After signing in and giving her the cash, she hurried around the desk to open the front door for me. “Now, your room’s just a couple doors down from the lobby, hun,” she said, pointing. “So you don’t have to go carrying that boy through the dark parking lot.”
“Thank you so much,” I said, the words catching a little in my throat. When was the last time a person had done something kind for me? I couldn’t remember.
The lady just smiled. “Check out is at eleven, so you make sure you’re all cleared out, alright? If you’re not, they’ll charge you for a whole ’nother day.”
“I’ll be out before eleven,” I agreed.
Using what was left of my energy, I grabbed our overnight bag from the car and locked it up. Desk lady was right, our room was only two doors down from the lobby, and I quickly carried Rhett inside, closing and locking the door behind us. I dropped onto the bed and slumped with exhaustion, Rhett’s head lolling against my shoulder.
God, I was so fucking tired. At least, I knew, when we arrived tomorrow, I’d have a minute to take a breath. We’d been on the road for so long that the days had started to blend together. Even when I slept, I seemed to be somewhat conscious, aware of every sound in our rooms and the parking lots beyond. I couldn’t turn it off, not yet. I had to keep an eye on everything. I was in charge. It was all up to me.
“All done?” Rhett asked groggily.
“Just got to our room, baby boy,” I said, kissing his forehead. “You ready to brush your teeth and get in jammies?”
“No,” he whined, his fists gripping my shirt.
I debated internally for only a moment before answering.
“We can do them in the morning. Do you need to go potty?” I asked, getting to my feet.
He shook his head and burrowed further into me. I debated waking him fully just to be sure, but decided against it almost immediately. Potty training was practically impossible when you were on the road, and what little progress we’d made before we left had pretty much disappeared. I was too tired to deal with it.
By the time I’d pulled down the bedding and set him in the sheets he was already fully asleep again. I didn’t even bother with the pajamas, just stripped him down to his pull up and a t-shirt and tucked him in with his blanket.
That stupid blanket. I’d forgotten it in a hotel in Utah and we’d had to backtrack three hours to go back and pick it up. It was pink and ratty and frayed and had holes all around the edges, but he loved it. When he was a toddler, I’d tried to switch it out to something newer, but it was no use—he wanted the same blanket that I’d had on my bed through my entire childhood.
As soon as Rhett was settled, I went into the bathroom, leaving the door open so I could take a quick shower and brush my own teeth. I just knew that the next morning my little bundle of energy would be bouncing off the walls and I wouldn’t have a moment to myself to pee, much less shower and blow-dry my hair. I was dead on my feet as I finally shuffled to the bed and climbed in beside Rhett. It only took seconds for me to fall into the half-conscious sleep that I was getting used to.
The next morning I woke up to Rhett’s face just inches from mine.
“Mama, wake up?” he whispered, eyes wide.
