AllFreeNovel
Share Us
As Cooper, Ace, and the Briggs brothers finally emerged from the main door, I tried to hold it together long enough for me to be in Coop’s arms. But once they were around me, the dam broke. How was I supposed to tell him?
Was this what it felt like for Cooper as he waited for me to wake up to deliver the news of Tanner? How would Cooper ever be able to look at me and not think about the moment those words left my lips, that someone so important to him was gone?
“He’s been extremely quiet since I drove the three of us back to my house. And I’m not sure he slept more than an hour or two.” The one time I convinced him to rest, not much later, he jolted awake, panting and covered in sweat as if he had just come out of the shower without toweling off. He tried to get me to fall back asleep, but we’re a team. If he’s awake, I’m going to be awake. We’ll get through this together, even if it kills me.
Shannon’s shoulders slump as she stares out at her grown son, lost in his own head.
“He used to have terrible nightmares after the accident. Did he ever tell you that?”
I stand up straighter and shake my head.
“After the accident, they were so bad he would wake up screaming and calling out either Tanner’s or your name.” She glances back at Lulu, who is laughing as she assists my sister with a mixing bowl. “Sometimes both. As a parent, it’s truly devastating to watch their child go through something like that and not be able to help them and watch the demons in them try to overpower them.
“When he returned, I assumed he no longer had them.” She pauses, and concern fills those eyes that match the ones of the man I love. “But then, just before Hootenanny, I woke up to him shouting your name. He admitted that they still happen when I confessed I knew what had happened. The walls in this house are mighty thin. It scares me, the amount of weight that boy carries on his shoulders.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I say honestly.
“Just be there for him. That’s all you can do, sweetheart. I know it might not feel like much, but just being there beside him means everything.” She cups my cheek in a motherly fashion, and it makes me miss my mom even more. “Go on, take a minute.” She nods toward Cooper out back.
When she senses my hesitation, she gives me a little nudge toward the door. “We’ve got this in here.” Just as she says that, there’s a loud clang from the kitchen, followed by my sister shouting, “It’s fine, everything’s fine.”
“Go,” Shannon demands.
I grab my coat from the hook and carefully open the back door, not wanting it to slam. The weather in North Carolina is out of control. One day, it’s beautiful and almost eighty, and the next, it’s like it’s actually winter and in the high forties. I guess it could be worse—there could be snow or ice.
I shove my hands in the pockets of my coat and step up beside Coop. Neither of us says anything at first, just soaking in the beauty of our surroundings.
To be honest, seeing Cooper like this in almost a catatonic state sends me into a bit of an emotional and anxious spiral that I keep to myself. I’d be lying if I didn’t say a part of me wonders if this is going to be too much for him and it’s going to send him away like it did years ago. I won’t let him go, though. I’ll be the rock he needs, even if I’m barely holding on myself.
Chapter 34
Cooper
Thevehiclecomestoa stop, and I’m still staring out the window at nothing in particular. The entire drive to the cemetery, the surroundings basically became one giant blur.
I’ve honestly been in a bit of a daze since leaving the station the other night and Riley delivering the news of Coach’s passing.
That’s the thing about death. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the prime of your life and taken unexpectedly or if you live a long and happy life to pass at old age or even after having time to prepare. We all die—it’s the only inevitability in life, and no matter what we do or how we prepare, we can’t stop it. Death lingers around the corner for us all.
The other thing about death is that you can never fully prepare for the emotion it will stir. In the last few days, I’ve not only mourned Coach, but old memories and grief from losing Tanner have resurfaced, and honestly, my own mortality has been in question.No, I’m not feeling suicidal or anything, but all I can think about is when it’s my time to go, whether it’s tomorrow or sixty years from now, will I have any regrets? Will I have made amends for the destructive path I’ve laid? The pain that I put my family and Riley through weighs heavily on my mind. Can one ever fully be forgiven for that?
“Coop?”
I startle at Riley’s soft voice. “Huh?” With my elbow still propped up against the window, I turn to face her and find a wrinkled crease between her brows. I feel like a dick for a moment because I don’t know how long she was talking to me while I let my thoughts consume me.
She gives me a soft, understanding smile. “I said, are you ready to go?”
No, I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready.But I don’t say either comment. Instead, I just nod.
We both get out, and I stand by my door while I wait for her to walk around. I stare at the hill in front of us, where what seems like half the town is currently walking up, and swallow thickly.I don’t think I can do this.
Riley’s fingers slip through mine, and she squeezes gently, knowing that I need her to give me the strength to do this. As we walk up the hill, my mind travels back in time to Tanner’s funeral. As I watched my best friend’s body being lowered into the ground, a storm cloud and heavy weight settled on my chest and never lifted.
The climb feels heavy, like I’m on a hike up Mount Everest with all my gear in tow, only it’s not my gear weighing me down but my guilt. Guilt that, once again, I’m the one alive.
At the top of the hill, we head toward Austin, Ace, and Sutton, who are having a conversation with Austin’s parents and mine. Ace and Sutton stuck around the last few days and have helped the best they could. I know I’ve been a shit host, but just the mere presence of my best friend being here has meant a lot. They had ridden over to the cemetery with Austin since I was running a little behind this morning.
After we say hello, I notice the Briggs family standing beside them. The bruises on Tripp’s face peek out from under his sunglasses. I give him a nod, and he does the same in return before returning to conversation with his old man. Tripp and I haven’t spoken since leaving the precinct, but this loss is as much his as it is mine, so we’re at a sort of ceasefire. Honestly, our lifelong rivalry just seems childish now.
