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I took my time getting ready for the day. I couldn't have my meeting with her. If she was in the shower. I had to wait for her to be done. I found myself picking clothes that I knew she liked. That wasn't a good strategy whatsoever. I knew she liked wearing a white t-shirt. The tighter, the better. I also knew she liked gray sweatpants. This she didn't tell me. Her eyes told me instead. My member never hid when I wore gray sweatpants. The whole world could see it. The outline, at least. The bad part about the situation was that I still wanted to flirt even though we were at the height of our tension. I still wanted to see her lustful eyes. One could fantasize. There was nothing illegal about that in our circumstances. It helped in a way. Those little fantasies could get you through the toughest of times.
The shower stopped. There again. I thought of her stepping out of that shower naked and dropping that towel around her body. I just wanted to put her nipples in my mouth one last time. It could be one last time because I never knew when I would be killed. I shook my head, trying to rid myself of those thoughts.
Once I heard her leave the bathroom and head downstairs, I waited about five minutes before I went down to see her.
She took it upon herself to make breakfast. Angelina had done that ever since our argument. I knew she wasn't doing it out of spite, given that I would make her breakfast. Usually, she was just hungry. And she had every right under the sun to make herself breakfast. My insecurity and dread of the situation made me see it as spite. The silence between two people caring for one another can make your mind go crazy. You begin to make up scenarios in your head, and when you know they're not true, there's nothing you can do about it.
"Angelina."
She didn't turn around after I said her name. She did say, "Yes? What can I do for you this morning? Need me to sign any other contracts. Would you like me to sign a contract to pretend to be your mother? Maybe even your father. Are you going to have me dress up as a dinosaur so that we can reenact Jurassic Park?"
I rolled my eyes. I had to do everything in my power to keep a civil tone. I wanted to keep the conversation mature even though she had started it off on the wrong foot. " Let me cut to the chase, okay? I will be hiring guards to have your back everywhere you go. There are also guards stationed outside of the mansion today. You're not to leave without being escorted. Do you understand me?"
She shut the flame off her eggs and put the spatula on the counter. I could feel the tension bubbling up in her sternum. Whatever she was about to say to me was filled with fire. I wasn't surprised one bit. I was ready.
When she spun around, her face was red and not from embarrassment. "Are you out of your mind telling me what the hell I should be doing? Who the hell do you think you are?"
Again, it took a lot of effort to keep me from letting my tone get out of whack. " Angelina, I'm not trying to be a dick."
"Well, you're failing pretty hard. You have me in this world now, and I can't escape it. The only thing you're doing is making it a lot worse for me."
It pained me to hear that. The last thing on earth I wanted to do was hurt her. It was quite the opposite. All I wanted to do was please her. I had the means to give her everything that she wanted in her life. But I had created red tape. I was surrounded by it. I was cuffed by my circumstances. I was stunned by my ego. I was being held back by my pride. " I don't want you to be killed. Angelina. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't care about you. Believe me, I don't like any of this either. This isn't what I wanted for you."
She shook her head. I couldn't understand what part of that she would disagree with. Then again, I was very stupid when it came to this stuff. The emotional stuff. I was almost like a monkey. A stunted monkey, at that. " You just don't understand. You don't even hear yourself. You told me what you wanted for me. But you never stopped to think about what I would want? Ever since this contract, it's been about you. It's been about what you need. Sure, I was supposed to be getting money at the end of this,"
"You can still have the money. This is an unprecedented situation. I just haven't spoken about the money because–"
She rolled her eyes. "Tomaso, it's not about the money. It was never about the money for me. Okay, from day one…" she stopped herself. And even though she stopped, I knew where she was going with it. It was hard to hear. It was hard to face. This girl actually cared for me. Not only did I need to be accustomed to loving someone, but I needed to learn how to allow myself to be loved by someone, as cheesy as that might have sounded.
"I get it. Angelina. I completely understand that none of this is ideal. But at this point, I'm just trying to protect you. I'm just trying to minimize the damage. Call it damage control. Call it whatever you want to call it. Just please try to see it from my perspective. I may have messed up royally. And right now, I'm trying to not mess up anymore. This is why I'm having my men watch you."
She let out a sigh and crossed her arms. Then she started to put away the breakfast she had fixed.
"What are you doing, Angelina? Have your breakfast."
"She continued to put stuff away, and when she said what she said next, she didn't look at me whatsoever." " I want to go home. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want anything to do with the contract. And I don't want anything to do with you anymore. I just want to go home to my family."
This was the hardest moment throughout our contract, from pretending in front of my father to the gunfight to everything else. This put a pit in my stomach and made me feel gutted. And I couldn't necessarily understand why. I guess it wasn't too hard to understand. I was losing her. This was it. It was probably not coming back after this. How would I win her back if she wasn't even near me? If we didn't have contact with one another?
"Fine, if that's what you want to do, then do it." I left the room after that like a little child. Could one blame me? I was hurt. And I didn't know how to deal with that type of hurt. I hadn't developed those mechanisms yet.
I thought she wouldn't leave, and maybe she was bluffing. But she did take all her things and went home. The day that she did wasn't so bad. I was filled with rage. Denial was another sentiment that filled me. It would stay after she had left where everything had settled in. It was a Saturday, and there wasn't anything going on with my off-the-books business and, of course, my day job I was off from. So in my mansion, I was left to my own devices. Things that could happen to a man who has lost his love.
What was I really to do at that moment? There was no getting her off my mind. There was no calling her. I just had to deal with it. Just dealing with it sucked. There was no sugarcoating it. It was kind of like going to the dentist. Or going to the DMV. Except losing Angelina hurt me in my soul. It left this empty spot in my chest.
Now, of course, I had my men watching her. That first day I was alone, I said I would not intervene. I had my men reporting back to me, but I told myself that I would get nowhere near the vicinity of her. The last thing that I wanted to be labeled as was a stalker.
I broke that rule because I went with one of my men and watched her house from a car. I wouldn't define it as stalking so much as I would define it as worried. I could barely sleep knowing she could be attacked or threatened. I couldn't imagine anyone laying a finger on her. It made me sick to my stomach.
Richter, the guy I was with, was a quiet dude who sat beside me. As I stared at the house. He would get a good payday, so I didn't feel too bad. I did feel weird, though. I felt like everyone could see through me in terms of what I was doing or, better yet, why I was doing it. It made me feel like I was wearing my heart on my sleeve. They all knew that. I just loved her. If only the opposing family had seen that, maybe they would let the vendetta go. Life couldn't be that easy, could it?
"You're doing the right thing, you know," Richter said, surprisingly breaking the silence. Words were the very last thing that I expected from this man. He just always had a very stoic face to him. Better yet, a stoic nature.
"What do you mean? What you talking about?" I had an inclination, but I wanted confirmation.
He took a very long pause to respond. It could have filled an entire novel. "You out here looking after this girl goes against many of what happens in our world. You know. No one ever wants to show that they care about people. Because it's perceived as a weakness. But the truth is, what are we doing this all for? Not to be hokey or whatever, but what are we doing? We make a lot of money. We thrive financially. We don't have to worry about the BS day jobs. Sure, we have a lot to worry about. We may be killed at any given moment. Will you see more bullets than the average human? But if we're not doing it for people? Then what are we doing it for?"
Did I need the poetic stance from this man? Probably not. But at the same time, it motivated me that maybe I wasn't just a creep by stalking her.
