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"Is that so? And what kind of person are you now?" I ask as the waiter arrives with our drinks.
Parker smiles and clinks his glass against mine before taking a sip. "The kind of person who aspires to be worthy of you," he says warmly, leaving my mind completely blank.
Part of me refuses to believe what I hear, while the other part, not without reason, thinks that perhaps, Parker does see me after all.
He sees me in a way that aligns with his words. As if, for the first time, the feelings I harbored for him for so long are finally becoming mutual.
Chapter eleven
Parker
You'rebreakingalltherules here, Parker, I remind myself between moments of conversation, as I feel Penny's intense blue gaze, which remains fixed on me.
Her lips possess an intense, naturally red hue, and are half-open. She avoids my eyes whenever they met hers; her cheeks blooming with color as she takes sips of her drink.
"It's a little hard to believe you," she says, but it is clear that my words have moved her.
Inside my mind, I try in vain to remind myself that she is the forbidden fruit. Penny Gould is the apple I’m not supposed to bite, or even be tempted by. Grayson asked me to take care of her during these weeks, and somehow, I feel like I owe them both, as I had been such a jerk to this beautiful brunette in the past. Now, I’m trying my hardest to fulfill my role as protector and watch out for her.
But, what I’m feeling is beyond that.
My desire for this girl is winning the battle. At the end of the day, I feel like I can not control myself when I’m alone with her.
This afternoon had shown me that much of the character I knew and remembered from the youngest of the Gould clan is still present. Penny is enthusiastic, funny, and maddeningly perfectionistic, but also kind, altruistic, and empathetic.
She possesses a creative vision of the world, and a sharpness of thought that easily charms me.
Of course, it isn't all mental; seeing her wearing that tight-fitting dress, which highlights the natural curves of her body, doesn't help me remember the restraint I’m supposed to maintain over myself.
As she leans forward to take one of the appetizers from the center of the table, she allows me to glimpse the portion of her back that is exposed.
I can't help but wonder how smooth her skin would feel against my fingers, with her body rising and falling in a steady rhythm over mine.
Inhaling, perhaps a little too sharply, I force the thought out of my head as I look away from her. But, it is impossible not to let my mind wander back to it.
Within minutes, I begin to envision her again, feeling helpless in her presence, like a piece of metal being pulled by the force of a powerful magnet.
Penny casually runs her fingers across her lower lip, a coy gesture that is so fucking attractive.
"Why were you so cruel to me?" she asks, leaving her steady gaze fixed on me.
My lips pull into an involuntary grimace. I lean over the table as I grab an appetizer and try to find the reasoning in my answer.
"In a way, you were an outlet for all the anger I possessed. I was hurting, upset with the world after my father's death. I had lost everything, and I didn't know how to channel that pain."
"I lost everything too," she says matter-of-factly, making a clear reference to her biological parents.
"You may hate me for saying this, but it was a little different for me. You had the Goulds. Your brothers and Eleanor loved you like you were their true family. But I— I had no one like that."
"You had the Goulds too. They loved you as if you were their son and brother, as well," Penny says, as she looks at me with eyes full of curiosity and empathy.
Her hand somehow ends up settled over mine. Her fingers, slender and delicate, fit perfectly in my much larger, firmer hand.
I can’t help but delight in the texture of her skin. Her fingers slowly trace the palm of my hand, drawing small circles, before she moves up to my wrist, following the path of blue veins that protrude from my forearm.
Control yourself, Hamilton,I warn myself, knowing full well that I can’t go through with this.
"If it weren’t for Grayson, I would have never been able to get over the loss of my parents. He supported me in my darkest moments. But it wasn't the same as having a family and a home, Penny. I felt so alone, bereft of protection. I didn't think I'd ever belong anywhere again."
