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Just as I’m losing myself in thoughts of Penny, Brittany comes over to me and hugs me, her voice filled with excitement. "So, are we going to Monaco or not?"
I smile and kiss her forehead, trying to push my worries aside.
"Of course," I say, even though my mind is filled with doubt.
The truth is, that the sex is good with Brittany. But is she the girl I want to spend my whole life with? That is the question that keeps nagging at me.
I don’t know what the right answer is, or what I want for my future, but there is the lingering feeling that it might not involve her.
As I hold her close, I can't help but think about all the things I still don't know about her. Is she someone I can share my deepest thoughts and feelings with? Can I see myself growing old with her?
I realized that I was going to have to make a decision soon. I didn't want to hurt Brittany, but at the same time, I can’t ignore my doubts.
Chapter two
Penny
"Areyousurethisis a good idea?" my mother, Eleanor, asks me for the tenth time, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as she looks at me with a mixture of anxiety and doubt shining in her eyes.
I smile and shake my head, reaching up to touch her hand. She squeezes my fingers and smiles, though her gaze is watery. Even though she is worrying about me, I find it comforting. There is nobody who loves me as much as my mom and she makes sure I know it.It's rare for us to be apart. Rare, but on this occasion, right and necessary.
"Trust me." I give her a tight hug. "It will be fine. It will be better than fine."
Mom sighs and nods, hugging me a little tighter before letting me go. Even though they are not my biological family, they’re the only ones I’ve known for most of my life. My biological parents died when I was seven, in a car accident. I was just a child then, but the Goulds had taken me in as one of their own and had cared for me ever since. Henry Gould, my adopted dad, passed away almost a decade ago and Mom was left holding the Gould clan together.
Eleanor loves me the same way I imagine my birth mother would. Although she is protective of me, we’ve always been close. Even though I rebelled as a teenager, I know now that her fear of losing me came from losing her best friend — my mother. I know that she’s worried about losing me since the day she brought me home.
It's one of those things you don’t realize until you’re much older.
As she gazes at me, it makes me wonder if she sees my mother reflected on my face. We both had the same blue eyes and dark hair, freckles sprinkled across our noses. Maybe that's why she is so afraid to separate herself from me.
Sighing, she lets me go. I’m sure she knows that prolonging the goodbye will not be good for either of us.
I continue smiling to keep her from feeling worse about the whole situation. "It won't be as long as you think."
We both know it’s a hard promise to make. She and I are barely apart for more than a few hours.
Her little girl is leaving for New York for a whole month. It is the chance of a lifetime and I can’t wait to see my name in shining lights. New York is my one shot at my fashion debut. I worked hard to get here and I’m not going to let it slip through my fingers. New York Fashion Week is the show designers dream of.
As much as I wish she could be with me, she has to work. Our charity organization finds single mothers and low income women positions within the fashion world. New York Fashion Week is the biggest hiring opportunity. Mom throws a massive event for the designers who can’t make it to fashion week. Dozens of the women we work with have been seen at our charity event and hired by up and coming designers..
"Okay," Mom says, holding her hands at her sides with obvious restraint. "I trust you, and anyway, your brothers are aware of the situation. They'll be in the city in a heartbeat if you ever need them."
Her words did nothing but make me laugh. "I'm going to fashion week, Mom, not bootcamp."
All the same, I know she isn't wrong. My three older brothers, her biological children, would cross land and sea to protect me from danger, even if it is imaginary. They love me as much as I love them.
I couldn’t imagine life without them. Growing up would have been a lot less fun without them, even if we got on each other’s nerves from time to time.
"Penny," Sarah, my personal assistant, says, knowing full well that time is against us. "We're going to be late!"
"Okay." I give Mom one last kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you soon, okay? And don't worry, I'll keep you up to date on everything."
"I hope so." She hugs me again before releasing me with the bravest face she can muster.
Mom and I say one last goodbye before I head to the gates. I don’t look back as the person at the counter scans my ticket. If I do, then I know I’m not going to want to leave.
Sarah leads the way down the long hallway to the plane.She is jumping up and down with excitement. After five years in the fashion industry, I’ve finally made my brand name count. Some say that I rose quickly, but if I had it my way, I would have been at Fashion Week years ago.
