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Only after that do I see Parker approaching me, but I receive a call from Grayson at the same time, so I decide to step aside for a moment and chat with him alone.
"I saw the whole thing on TV!" my favorite brother exclaims into the phone with excitement. “Everything looked awesome. You're amazing, Penny!"
"Honestly, I had my fair share of doubts. Even I'm amazed at how well everything turned out," I confessed to him as I walk into a secluded dressing room, so I can talk to him alone and allow his voice to calm me down.
"Fine, but you have to believe in yourself. You're a sensation, and I can't wait to celebrate with you like you deserve."
"That's very sweet of you to say," I say to my brother, smiling tenderly as I listen to him.
"I'm just telling the truth, sis. With everything that's happened, I know it must have been messy for you at times, but I’m very proud of everything you've accomplished."
"Yeah. About that," I start to say, "I wanted to— well, I guess I owe you an apology. For not telling you about Parker."
"Or about the baby," he interjects, bringing up precisely the subject that terrifies me to discuss at that moment.
"I'm sorry I kept that from you too," I say with my eyes closed, while biting my lower lip, knowing even now that I’m lying to him. "But, I was afraid you wouldn't accept it."
"I confess that was a reasonable assumption," Grayson tells me, laughing. "Parker's personality has never made me think he was family material. But things change, I suppose."
"He'll make a good father," I say, convincing myself of my words.
“I’m sure he will," Grayson says. "It's just that I never thought he'd want to be a father."
"He didn't have it in his plans?" I ask, my heart pounding.
"No. In fact, he was completely afraid of the idea. He confessed to me once that he was thinking of refraining from ever having children or a family. That's why I was so shocked when it came out about you two. But, wow. Even though it hasn't been easy to take in, I'm glad. I can only hope you'll be very happy together," my brother says.
Holding back tears, I bring my free hand to my belly, where I imagine my baby is.
"I just hope he will love our baby," I say to Grayson, feeling my voice break.
“I’m sure he already does," Grayson assures me, perhaps noticing my sensitive state. "Just because he didn't want children before doesn't mean he doesn't want them with you. He must have been overjoyed when you broke the news to him."
"He— he was," I lie to my brother again.
But the truth is that Parker has never been happy to learn that we will have a child because he hasn’t learned about it all, and now, he doesn't know everything I’m keeping from him and what our reality is going to look like.
So maybe, he is still thinking the way Grayson described. Maybe he is thinking that he didn't want children, or a family, and who am I to force him to do otherwise? Just because he had neglected me in our youth didn't mean I can force him to take on fatherhood if he doesn’t want to.
Holding back tears and trying with all my heart not to burst into sobs, I listen to my brother's sweet words, trying to laugh at the right moments and not let him see how hurt I am.
But inside, I feel an impossible conflict. My heart breaks at the thought of having to choose between Parker and our baby. I’m tormented by the thought that, no matter how much I want it, I can never have them both at the same time.
Chapter twenty-seven
Parker
Myfingersbrushagainstthe wood on Penny's door, waiting for her to open it for me.
"Parker, what are you doing here?" she asks when she sees me.
It is obvious she has only just arrived. After the last day of fashion week, she had left, shortly after the celebratory party kicked off. It is obvious that she is tired, but for her first fashion show, I thought she would stay to celebrate a little longer.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. At that moment, I want to have her all to myself, so her absence gives me the perfect excuse to go be with her.
Smiling, I hold out that one, perfect rose I bought for her. Penny takes it between her fingers, allowing the petals to brush her nose as she breathes in the flower's perfume.
"I thought maybe you felt like a more private celebration," I say, revealing a bottle of Dom Perignon.
