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“What are you doing here?” Maks asks with a note of frustration. “Boss didn’t tell me you were coming.”
Is that what Kirill used to do? Inform him of our visits?
“Maybe he forgot. Also, Viktor is the one who brought me here.”
A hand touches my arm and I slowly open my eyes. “You guys decent?”
“Yes,” both say at the same time, Anton sounding more frustrated than Maks.
The latter is the one who touched my arm. He rubs the back of his head, looking flustered for the first time ever. For a moment, he appears lost for words before he points at the entrance with his thumb. “I’m just going to talk to Viktor.”
He casts a fleeting glance at Anton, who looks back momentarily before my friend leaves, and I hear the door closing behind him.
My brother is sitting on the bed, his head lowered and his shoulders tense. I slowly approach him, then sit beside him. “Is there something I need to know?”
“If I say no, would you leave it alone?”
“Probably not.”
He groans and runs his fingers through his hair. His face looked so peaceful earlier, but now, a war rages in the depths of his soul and spills outside his body in droves.
“Tosha…” I touch his arm. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“That didn’t look like nothing just now.”
“I don’t know what the hell it is. I know nothing at this point. Everything is fucking complicated.”
I squeeze his shoulder. “I’ve never related to you in my life like I do right now.”
His eyes meet mine, slowly calming down. “On which part?”
“The fact that everything is complicated and that nothing makes sense anymore.”
Silence stretches between us for several moments before we sigh at the same time.
I chuckle at that and Anton offers a hesitant smile back.
“What the fuck are we even doing?” he asks in a whisper, more to himself than anyone else.
“I have no clue,” I reply anyway.
“We can’t go on like this. We have the deaths of our family members strapped to our shoulders.”
I have no clue if he’s trying to convince me or himself at this point.
“I know,” I say.
“Have you figured out a way to get me out of here, or are you now comfortable staying as Kirill’s wife?”
“Even if I were comfortable, I don’t like the fact that you’re locked up.”
“But?”
“I don’t want you to hurt Kirill.”
“Fuck, Sasha. You’re falling into the same trap all over again.”
“No, I’m not. Kirill never planned to marry another woman or kill me. Besides, I don’t believe he’s involved with our family’s death.”
“So you trust him now?”
“On that front, yes.” I just don’t trust that he might use me as a pawn in his upcoming manipulation games.
“You were always loyal to a fault.” He sighs. “Whether to the family, the men you served with and especially Kirill. Now I get why Papa wanted to preserve your sickeningly naïve nature and why Mama babied and fawned all over you. They didn’t want you exposed to the real world.”
“I’m thankful, but I don’t think it did me any good afterwards.”
“Believe me, it did. At least you didn’t turn into a monster.”
“You’re not a monster either, Tosha.”
He grumbles a reply then exhales deeply. “You’re at a crossroad now.”
“Well, aren’t you, too?”
“That’s…different.”
“Yeah, right. I’m not even sure if you’re lying to me or yourself at this point. There’s no black or white in this world. It’s just impossible to keep to the extremes.”
“What are you suggesting then?”
“Can’t…can’t we rectify this situation and also have something for ourselves? Just once?”
“I’m not sure if that’s possible.”
“But why?” My voice breaks and my lips tremble.
It’s Anton who squeezes my shoulder this time. “People like us don’t deserve happiness, Sasha. The concept was ripped from us that day, never to return.”
I shake my head.
I refuse to believe that we have no life after this.
Anton might have already chosen the path he’ll go down, but I haven’t.
I still have time to figure out what to do and how to end this ill fate once and for all.
For the sake of my child.
For my sake.
21
KIRILL
Something is wrong.
I know it, feel it, and can smell it in the fucking air.
Things haven’t been the same since we returned from the cabin three weeks ago.
Sasha has been subtly keeping her distance. It’s not as blatant as when she came back and chose to spend her time with anyone but me. This time, it’s more in the little details.
Like how she stopped the morning training, no longer waits up for me, doesn’t have drinks with me, and she prefers to go visit her brother in Viktor’s company instead of mine.
I can’t really do anything about the last one since I’m overwhelmed by all the shit in the Bratva, namely, keeping Damien’s killing spree in check.
While the above changes are noticeable, they could be viewed as fleeting compared to everything else.
