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“It’s about choosing something and sticking with it. I just…I want to make sure I can. You already know I didn’t have a normal childhood, and it might have fucked me up for life. I’ve loved this life that I live with my brothers and Granny. I love what we do, how we do it, who we do it for, and all of it. I love that I don’t have to do the nine-to-five thing, that I don’t need to own a house or have the dream life everyone wants. I’m free, but I feel like I’m living in a cage right now. Not because of you. It’s not you at all.”
Honestly, if I didn’t know the details of his past, and if I hadn’t seen the evidence of it for myself, written on his skin, I might not believe it, but I have, and I choose to believe what he’s saying, even if it is the whole it’s not you, it’s me line most people use.
“M—maybe it’s too much to decide for one night. Maybe we need to talk to everyone, have another family meeting that I don’t botch by passing out and—”
“I freaked out a little bit, too,” Lennox admits. “I’m sorry I went radio silent on you. I was having a bit of a meltdown inside about what I just told you. About what to do now and where to go. I should have opened my mouth and flapped it around a bit so you’d understand what was going on in my head. I’m not very good at that—sharing with another person or opening myself up. I either tell jokes to get around it, evade it all together, or just…well, get real quiet or start flying solo for a little bit when I can’t avoid it. Not going that path with you, Cass. I promise.”
“What if…what if we can’t figure it out? Is that just it, then?”
He goes rigid beside me, and I hate that. I hate that I just said that. I wrap my arms over his chest as if by doing so, I could hold him and learn how to build a bridge between here and where we want to be, which pretty much feels like infinity from here. That bridge is going to be really freaking long.
“We’ll figure it out,” he whispers, dipping his chin down, so his nose touches my hair. He inhales deeply. “Maybe there is a middle ground we haven’t figured out yet. I just don’t want to do anything that could put you in danger. I’d never forgive myself if that happened.”
I seriously didn’t consider how dangerous that life might be. Duh, yes. Very. It has to be very dangerous. What would that mean for me? For my family? For the people I know I would always want to keep safe? Now I know why Ransom and Lennox’s other brother, Alden, chose to stop doing what they were doing before in order to live a different life and keep his loved ones safe.
But if Lennox can’t do that?
And if I can’t simply up and leave?
Then what?
CHAPTER 14
Lennox
I smell waffles, and at first, I think I’ve died and woken up back at Granny’s, but then I open my eyes and realize I’m surrounded by brass, antiques, and a patchwork quilt. Not Granny’s. Not dead, either. I’m at Cass’ place. Because I spent the night.
I didn’t mean to do that, but I didn’t mean to not do that either. I guess I meant to…well, in short, I guess I’m hotter than a hot mess.
“Oh, you’re awake.” Cass stops in the doorway. She’s wearing my shirt and only my shirt, and I stare at her beautiful curves bathed in black, her long legs poking out from beneath the hem, and the swell of her breasts popping out from beneath the fabric where she has the first few buttons left undone. I much prefer my shirt on her. She smiles at me shyly. “Sorry, I was just coming in here to take your shirt off and put one of mine on. Then I was going to wake you up.” She grabs a strand of her sandy hair and twists it around her finger while she studies the floor. “I shouldn’t have worn it, but I guess I wanted you wrapped around me for just a little bit longer this morning.”
Ouch.
That squelchy hole in my chest where I didn’t think I had a heart that could be given to anyone just started hurting a little bit more.
“I have to go to work soon. It’s freaking early, but I was awake at an ungodly hour, so I decided to make waffles. Do you like waffles?”
I swallow with difficulty, especially when Cass starts to slip my shirt up and over. She’s wearing nothing at all under it. “I…I love waffles.”
