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I feel like a selfish turd, but I know myself. I’ve come pretty damn far in my journey, but my childhood left me with more than just external scars. It changed who I am and how I’m made up inside, and I’m just being real with myself because I know myself fully. I never saw it as a bad thing before because it always helped me in the life I was living with Granny and my brothers. I never thought I’d meet someone and settle down. That wasn’t me.
“I was just thinking…” Cass says softly, and I pull myself out of the vortex of my thoughts that I can’t seem to escape. It’s like flushing myself down the toilet again and again. “I mean, I was also just thinking because I’m aware I just said that. I guess I have a lot going on up here today.” She taps her forehead. “We don’t get many great things in life to truly, truly fight for. Sometimes, things seem so tangled up, but really, they’re super simple. Maybe this is one of those things, and we just don’t know it yet.”
My eyes fall to Cass’ plate. She spread her waffles with chocolate sauce and made a happy face with bananas.
How could I ever not fight for this woman? Maybe that’s why I was so resistant to the idea. Because part of me recognized something in her that would break me and make me soar way up there in the stratosphere all at the same time.
“I know it might be a stretch, but we could fit.”
“I…I couldn’t imagine not…anyone would have to be crazy not to want to be with you.”
Cass frowns. “I don’t know about that.”
“Don’t you dare talk about your luck again.”
“Argh!” She gives me a funny look, and it’s only then that I realize I’m brandishing my fork at her like I want to use it on her.
I quickly set it down. “Sorry,” I say sheepishly. “If I wanted to have you for breakfast, it wouldn’t be that way. And I would. I would like to have you for breakfast. That sounds like an excellent idea, actually.”
Cass can’t be distracted, though her pupils do get a tiny bit bigger. “What if…what if we were together, and let’s just say—for the sake of saying it because it should be considered—luck is a real thing, then that would mean bad luck would also have to be real. What if I cursed you guys or something, and then something bad happened? What if I was a bad luck charm, and it wrecked everything? I know there’s probably zero room for error in anything you do and—”
“Cass!” I reach for her hand again, taking it in both of mine. “That’s nonsense. We don’t leave a margin for error. That would be sloppy, and that’s one thing we aren’t. Granny has always been super, super careful, and when there is a slim chance something could go wrong, that’s when we get out of the game. Like Ransom and Alden did.”
“But maybe you wouldn’t know something could go wrong if I were involved. I’d be an extra…I don’t know, dimension or something added in that wasn’t there before, and you wouldn’t know it would be okay or that it would work because no one has ever done anything like that. Alden and Ransom got out. They didn’t try and bring their significant others into it.”
“That might be true, but I know Granny. She’d adapt. She’d make changes. There would still be no room for error.”
“But the error would be human. You can’t control all the variables because you wouldn’t be able to control or account for me.”
“That’s definitely not true. There isn’t anything you could do that would…I’m just not going there. You aren’t bad luck, and you don’t bring that with you like a foul storm that’s going to rain turds down on everyone. Not happening.”
Cass remains quiet for a very long time. Too long. Finally, her hand flexes in mine, and then she pulls back and grabs her fork. She lifts a brow at me, and it’s half suggestive, half still a little bit sad. “Okay, I know it’s not something we can work out overnight. It will take a long time for my doubts to vanish completely, but I do get what you’re saying. It’s a big adjustment for everyone. And trying to figure it all out on the spot isn’t going to work.” She points at the waffles on my plate. “If we eat super fast, we might get a side cramp, but we could also hit the shower together before I have to leave for work. Or the bed. Then the shower. Or the kitchen counter. Or we could defile my couch. I’m pretty much up for any of that. Shit! I forgot the whipped cream. It’s in the fridge.”
