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My heart, now fully thawed out, clenches up painfully in my chest. I think it’s the heart. Or maybe it’s the limbic system. Shit, that’s complicated. “This isn’t like that, Cass. This could be life or death.”
Her throat works hard as she swallows. “I was more so getting at the fact that if I hadn’t switched over, I never would have met you because I would probably be doing my schooling in another state. I would have missed out on Ayana falling in love with Ransom, I would hardly know Maya, and I would never have had the opportunity to be kidnapped by you. Or eat pie and fries with you, get to know you, and test my luck with you. You probably wouldn’t be in my life at all, and on a scale of one to ten, that would be a perfect ten of a tragedy with a side of serious tragicness the likes of which the world has never seen before. And the world has some super serious tragedies, so that’s really saying something.”
“But if we do this, there isn’t any going back.” I need to touch her. I need to kiss her. I need to tell her how fucking sorry I am. For this. For the year that I spent being a complete goober globber, avoiding her whenever I could because I was afraid I’d be so, so out of my depth if I just stopped and let down my walls for a single second. I want to tell her I’m sorry for all the stupid things I’ll undoubtedly do and say in the future because I’m me, and I’m so far from knowing how to navigate any of this.
I’m scared to touch her, but Cass does it for me. She takes my hand—which is still cold compared to the fire of her skin—and clenches it tight.
“I don’t know if that’s true. That’s a hard thing to say. I think your granny can make anything work. She can take the pressure off of us. We don’t have to fail or succeed. We can just make a decision and stick with it and work freaking hard to keep sticking with it, but if it doesn’t work out, we can both be better people for it. That’s my goal. I’m kidding. My real goal is to fall so farging deep in love with you that it would be like diving headfirst into a pool of peanut butter. There would be no getting out of it because peanut butter is really, really sticky. That’s my goal.”
“Cass…”
“Wait!” She holds up a hand. “This is the good part! Here it comes…the ultimate goal. Are you ready for it?”
Suddenly, I’m trying really hard not to smile. “I guess I’m going to have to be.”
“That’s not good enough. Let me hear you say it. Are you ready for it?”
“I’m ready!” I shout like I’m one of those people in a big arena listening to a motivational speaker tell me how to get my life together. Except this is Cass. I’ll give her all the credence in the world, and I’ll believe in the things she tells me because she’s Cass, and I know, beyond a doubt, that she’s it for me.
She laughs, and it’s the sweetest sound I’ve heard since I left San Diego. “That’s more like it. So, anyway, my goal. I want to fall in love with you and keep loving you more and more. And if we kick some bad guys’ asses along the way, that’s a huge bonus for me. For me, it’s more than enough just to see you smile and know you’re happy. It’s enough for me to learn something new every single day, and it’s more than enough to meet new people and see new places. I’ve always dreamed of traveling, and okay, so this is more like traveling 2.0 with elements of wild danger and thrilling, daring acts I would never have seen coming, but it’s still going to be incredible.”
“But all the things you have to give up….”
“I’m not giving anything up to be with you. Well, maybe a few things, but it’s not for good, and your granny and I have already thought of some workarounds. I’ll still have my family, just in an altered way. I’ll always have my education and skillset, even if that’s put on hold for a while. I’m sure I won’t get bored. Lots of people start new lives when they meet their partner. Also, lots of people move around to experience new things. Even if lots of people don’t do those things, I’m not like lots of people, and I’m doing it. I’m me, and I’m doing it because I want to do it. I’m hecking scared like you wouldn’t believe, and it’s not easy. Nopers. But I trust my limbic system and frontal lobe, and they’re both telling me this is the right thing to do.”
