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There’s a pause on her end. I know my sister well enough that she’s wanting to tell me something but summoning the courage to do so.
“Spill it,” I say. “What did you really call to tell me?”
“I wasn’t sure the right time to tell you, considering everything you’re going through, but…” There’s another pause. “I’m pregnant.”
“Oh my god,” I squeal as elation erupts inside me. “Oh my god!”
I wish she was standing right in front of me so I can hug her.
“It’s still early, but Apollo and I decided to tell our family only. Get further along before we really tell people.”
“I’m so happy for you. I really am.” I know why she has been hesitant about telling me. The fact that Mark made me lose that baby nearly destroyed me. But I truly have healed in both body and mind. “I’m not sad, Daph. I don’t want you walking on eggshells around me. Everything happens for a reason. I wasn’t meant to have that baby, and I’ve come to terms with that. My time will come. But for now, it’s your time. And I can’t wait to be an auntie.”
“I can’t wait. Truly. And Apollo is over the moon. He’s such a doting father already. He talks to my belly. I’m really happy. Really happy.”
“A shopping trip is in our future,” I offer. “But first get that house set up. Save the nursery for me, though. I want to help.”
“Deal. And please consider my offer about the job, and we can talk more about it in a couple of days. You aren’t in any rush to make any big decisions right now. Take this time to figure out what you want. You get a chance at starting over. What do you want your new future to look like?”
We say our goodbyes, and I’m left pondering my sister’s question. What do I want my future to look like?
Growing up, I never had any big dreams or ambitions. I simply wanted to be a wife, maybe a mother, and live a comfortable life. I didn’t shoot big, and I’m still not sure I want to. I simply want to feel safe, secure, and know I have the ability to support myself. But even that right now feels as if I’m shooting for the stars.
Needing a distraction and to focus my mind on anything but me and my fucked-up situation, I return to my trusty hole in the floor and pull out a journal so I can read some more of Freya’s story. I pick up a different journal in the hope that maybe something good is in another diary entry since the other one was dark as fuck.
After settling on my bed, I dive in.
Dear Diary,
I watched my son whip himself beneath the tree of forgiveness today. The willow tree on the edge of the cliff has become a staple in our family. I hate it.
It’s not the first time I’ve peered down from my bedroom window at one of my children punishing themselves for one of their crimes. Troy didn’t believe in punishing the children. He believed it was on them to conduct their own penance. So like a highly devout Catholic priest, Phoenix rained the leather down upon his bare back. The sound of the leather striking his skin echoed through the night air, and I could feel the pain in my own chest. Watching him take on this burden as his penance was heartbreaking. He shed tears with each lash and no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t stop him.
I wanted desperately to run down, to stop him from this self-inflicted torture. But something kept me from doing so, some force stopped me from interfering. I heard a voice whisper into my ear that this was how it was meant to be.
It was the way of the Godwin family.
But even as I watched, I could feel a darkness gathering around the tree. Its tendrils snaking towards my son and wrapping around him as if to embrace him in a cold embrace. I felt an eerie chill run down my spine as I watched Phoenix take his last lash of the whip, standing tall before the tree as if nothing was amiss.
The sensation of dread only grew as I watched the night sky darken, casting a menacing shadow across the entire yard. It was as if the gods were watching, waiting for something to unfold. Something that I could only guess would be far more sinister than any punishment Phoenix could ever dream up for himself.
I watched in horror as Phoenix spread rice from the nearby bucket along the ground. His back was still red from the earlier beating, but he didn’t seem to be deterred by that. Instead, he calmly pulled up his pants to his lower thigh and kneeled down on the ground.
