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I can hear him on the phone in the living room and decide to take this time to read a little as I wait. My nerves are shot since Phoenix told me to get dressed and we walked out the door of Olympus. I should be ecstatic that I’m being treated like a human again, but I am uneasy. My safe little bubble has been popped, and I’m back in the outside world. But at least I have the journals and Freya. Something from that bubble.
Dear Diary,
I thought about jumping off the cliff today. About jumping to the sea below and swimming with the mermaids. I want to see Poseidon for myself and pray he’s a more forgiving God than the Gods I’ve been living with up until now.
But as I walked to the cliff’s edge, Phoenix stood by my side, took my hand in his and said, “If you jump, we jump.”
I was taught to never take life lightly, and here was my son offering his own. We stood there, just looking at each other with his offer hanging in the air. It felt like a choice between two worlds, between two lives. I wanted to take his hand and jump into the unknown together, to save him from his own darkness. Maybe we could find light together. But something else held me back.
I’d like to say it was because I was a good mother. But it wasn’t. It was fear.
Fear of the unknown and fear of what we might find on the other side. So, I stepped away from the cliff, and with tears in my eyes, told him no. I wanted to keep him safe, even if that meant condemning us both to the same fate.
As I walked away, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was a dark figure shrouded in shadows staring out our bedroom window, laughing. Troy. He seemed to be mocking me for my decision, like he knew I was afraid.
I quickly looked away, not wanting to make eye contact. But his silent laughter swirled around me as Phoenix and I made our way back home.
As we walked, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of impending doom. It felt like Troy’s presence was always looming, always watching, always waiting for the right moment to strike. I knew he was a part of Phoenix’s past, a part of his darkness, and I wonder if he was the reason why Phoenix had offered to jump with me. Was he trying to escape his own demons?
Once we were back home, I sat Phoenix down and had a serious conversation with him. I told him that I couldn’t let him throw his life away, that I loved him, and I would always be there for him, no matter what. But I also told him that he needed to face his own demons head-on, to confront them and overcome them.
I was a hypocrite.
He looked at me with tears in his eyes and whispered, “I don’t know if I can do it, Mom. I’m scared.”
I hugged him tightly and whispered back, “I know, my son. I know. But we’ll face it together.”
As we sat there, holding each other, I felt nothing but dread. Because I knew that Troy wasn’t going to just disappear. He was a part of Phoenix’s life, and he would always be there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for his chance to strike.
I didn’t jump from the cliff that day…
Hearing Phoenix approaching the room, I quickly hide the journals among my belongings and try to steady my breathing. It is a bad idea to read the journal knowing it could be something dark and even sinister. But this… fuck. Poor Phoenix. Poor Freya. Jesus Christ. How could anyone survive that life?
“Did you settle in okay?” he asks as he enters the room. He crosses over to me, moves a strand of my hair, and examines my face. “What’s wrong? You look pale?”
I see worry in his eyes as he towers over me. “I’m fine. Really. I think I just got a little airsick on the ride over.” It’s not a lie, I actually did get queasy. “But I feel fine now.”
Phoenix’s eyes blaze as he scans my body from head to toe. “Could you be pregnant?”
Hearing the question makes my heart stop. Could I be? Maybe. But I doubt it. Other than feeling a bit ill on the helicopter ride, I don’t have any other symptoms. “I don’t think so. It was just the trip.” I smile. “Don’t worry.”
“I’ll always worry.” He reaches out to touch my belly. “I can’t wait to see you when you’re carrying my baby.” His voice is low; a tremor of anticipation trickles along my spine.
My face heats, and I look away, earning a caress of my ass, from his beefy hand, lifting the fabric of my dress. His mouth closes on my neck, teeth grazing my skin as he sucks.
