AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I was practically salivating as I pulled her toward me. “Fuck. Come here.”
I threaded my fingers through her hair as our lips smashed together. When Lala moaned into my mouth, my dick stiffened. It took everything in me not to carry her over to the kitchen counter and break my “fast.” I was going to be in trouble if I didn’t put a stop to this—so I pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “I thought kissing was okay.”
“It’s never just kissing with you.” I panted. “I know I said we could kiss…but it’s making it harder for me right now.”
She looked down at my crotch. “I can see that.” Lala sighed. “This is more difficult than I thought it would be. Everything is turning me on more than usual. This afternoon, you texted me, and even your name on my phone made my body react. Who the hell gets aroused by a text they didn’t even read yet?”
“Well, that’s all the more reason to condition your brain not to associate me with sex.”
Lala’s expression turned serious. “What is this really about? Are you seriously concerned that I’m only interested in one thing from you? Because if that’s the case, I find it a little insulting after we’ve had years of history together that didn’t involve a single second of sex.”
Fuck. “Of course, I know you care about me for reasons besides sex. But I do think the sex part of our relationship could be masking some things you might be inadvertently turning a blind eye to.”
“Like what?”
Shit. What am I doing?
“Are you trying to warn me or something? I’m confused, Holden.”
Am I?
“Look… The no-sex thing is about us connecting more on another level, but it’s also about you figuring out what you’re getting into with me. When we’re constantly fucking our brains out, it’s hard for you to see everything clearly.”
Why was I trying to sabotage things? I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I tugged on my hair. “I feel like things are starting to happen with After Friday. I know my being away wasn’t easy. But that could be just the beginning, Lala. It’s gonna be tough for you with me away. What if you can’t handle it?”
“You’re putting words in my mouth, Holden. Obviously, I’ve thought about that. But all I know is, if my head starts going there—into tomorrow or some imagined future scenario—I’m losing these moments with you right now. So maybe my blocking out reality is intentional because I don’t want to lose this time with you.”
I shook my head, looking down at my shoes. “I’m sorry for ruining the mood.”
“Don’t apologize for being honest. You’re admitting what you’re worried about. And I was honest in admitting that I wasn’t ready to deal with it. Even if we don’t always love the other person’s answers, we should always talk about what’s bothering us.” She tugged on my shirt. “And by the way, opening up to each other like this is a better use of the no-sex period than you dressing up like Mr. Rogers and pretending to be someone you’re not.”
Breaking my vow to not kiss her, I leaned in and took her mouth in mine. Speaking over her lips, I muttered, “I just don’t want to lose you. That’s what all of this is about.”
“I know,” she whispered.
My damn emotions were all over the place. Lowering my mouth to her neck, I sucked on her tender skin, needing to be inside of her like I needed my next damn breath. “I want to fuck you so badly right now.”
She laughed. “Did someone flip a switch inside you, Catalano?”
“That’s how it is when you…” Love someone. Fuck. Every time I’d nearly said it, things didn’t feel right. Now wasn’t the time—I’d already fucked tonight up.
I repeated, “That’s how it is when you want someone as badly as I want you right now, sweetheart.” I forced myself back. “But I’m gonna stick to the plan.”
She spoke against my chest. “Not gonna pretend to be happy about that.”
I switched the subject before I gave in. “Here’s something that might take our minds off sex…”
“What?”
“I want to talk about your dad.”
“Yeah, okay. That might work.” She chuckled as she moved away from me. “What about him?”
“I’m not gonna pressure you about me spending time with him, but I’m secretly hoping you change your mind about that.”
“Why does it matter so much to you?”
“I think it’s two-fold.” I paused. “Part of it is that Ryan can’t be here to give me the official seal of approval. I still can’t figure out if he’d be happy about us or want to kill me, and most days I feel like it’s the latter.” I sighed. “So getting on your dad’s good side would be like the next-best thing.”
“What’s the other component?”
“I’m not gonna lie…knowing how well your father got along with Warren irks me. It’s because your dad trusts him. And he sure as fuck doesn’t trust me yet.”
