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I pulled my face from his stony shoulder and peered up finding his glowering expression. “Then why did you buy it? Why did you show me? For me to say no and feel like shit?”
“Why would you feel like shit for being real?”
I choked on my tears, trying to convey, “Because even though I can’t say yes, I know with all my heart you’re the only man Iwan—need. I can never see you love anotherwom—another being. I was a spoiled, pampered only child for so long. Still, you’re the only man who’s made me paranoid about having to share your fixation and affection. A murderer and a felon. I could have just about any man on the planet. Any man, Jas!” I rasped in tears. “But myentiresoul belongs to a murderer and a felon and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Why wouldn’t I feel like shit under these fucked up circumstances?” Those last words fell in a whisper.
My throat had given out. My heart was gone, too.
Jas owned me, though I’d never confirm it.
I didn’t even know his name.
“This was really tasty. Thanks.” Lamont smiled as he handed his plate to Ines.
She went all out for tonight, actually wearing her chef’s coat for the event.
“Are you done?” Ines asked Nicholas.
Stuck, Nicholas glanced down at his half-eaten plate and grinned sheepishly. “Uh… Yeah.”
Charmagne laughed while stuffing a grape from one of the appetizer trays Ines left behind. “You couldn’t eat, staring at Shi-Shi.”
His father, Lamont, chuckled, reaching over to finger his son’s wild curls. I laughed at that myself. Nicholas was cute: tall, bright-eyed, and polite. He was extremely shy, too. Maybe Charmagne was right. Perhaps I was the reason for Nicholas’ reticence tonight.
“Mmmmhmmm.” Charmagne smacked loudly on the grapes.
Nicholas’ cheeks heated. “Nah. It’s just that… Shi-Shi? My brother’s dating Shi-Shi from theGramandTikTok!”
His father chuckled warmly at that. Ines shook her head, carrying the plates into the miniature kitchen just off the main room. At the head of the table with his parents on either side of him, Jas’ beam was imperceptible, but I knew it was present. I also now understood how infectious Nicholas could be. It was clear why Jas would want to rope him into his world.
“So,” Lamont’s eyes bounced between Jas and me, “is this official?”
Jas’ attention rolled over to me. Embarrassed by the sudden spotlight, I giggled while chewing my food.
“Sounds like it to me,” Charmagne supplied in a mumble. “But ain’t nothing official till I get some grandbabies.”
My eyes popped wild. This was my third time being in Jas’ mother’s presence and although on each occasion, she treated me as if it was our millionth time seeing one another, I was still reactive to her peculiarly strong personality.
“No grandbabies before you get a daughter-in-law,” Jas made clear and my belly churned.
It was a striking reminder of his simulated proposal nearly three weeks ago on the plane back home fromRed’s Island. So much had been hanging in the balance of that trip. Truthfully, so much had been unresolved since our trip toDella. The only thing clear between Jas and me was we didn’t want to let go of each other. That was completely off limits for us a both.
Charmagne sucked her teeth. “Oh, I forgot. You like ya daddy with that order shit. Just make some babies and don’t cheat. Hell, have a wedding in the back yard in between. Just be happy. You feel me?”
Lamont took a deep breath, dumping his napkin onto the table. “At least he’s gleaned something from me.”
“What that mean?” Charmagne asked.
With raised eyebrows, Lamont answered her with nasty authority. “I will not entertain such a conversation.” I caught Jas’ eyes swinging to the wall. Nicholas’ face was toward the table, but eyes swinging between the parental players. Then Lamont addressed his oldest son. “You know there are prerequisites for getting a wife.”
Jas sipped his water. “Oh, yeah. Like what?”
“Like a stable job—and don’t get me wrong, it’s admirable to work with your hands, but doing the same with your head comes with less risks. I know you mentioned having gotten a promotion, but you should aim higher. Also, you need a place to stay.” Lamont’s gaze brushed over me, then the private dining room in my building. “If this is an indicator for what Shi-Shi is accustomed to, you should be able to help maintain this. I’m sure your plan is to move in with her at some point.” Okay. I was officially uncomfortable. “I mean, son. You’ve been doing well with your release, but there are things you must put in place before you can think about marriage. Yes,” He turned to Charmagne, “there is an order.”
“Sin dining room bigger than this room. Hell, his fuckin’ closet bigger than this room,” Charmagne’s long, red nails flipped up in succession in the air. “Fuck you mean, Lamont?”
“Excuse me?”
Jas sat up in his chair. “Pops,” he tried as Lamont scowled at Charmagne across the table and she chewed with her mouth open, challenging his glare. “Look.” Jas cleared his throat. “This gathering and conversation been overdue. That’s why I asked Ashira to host us tonight.”
