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Gazing up at Ezra, I shook my head. “I’m not Samson, man.”
“Then perhaps you need to remember who you are, your weaknesses included.”
“Whatchu mean?”
“The woman who was just admonishing you, she brought up violence. I’m going to assume it was because you ensued it recently.” I sat back in my seat, not wanting to get into that shit. What was done was done. I had no regrets. It needed to happen. And almost as though Ezra could read my mind, he rasped, “I don’t want to rehash the details any more than I’m sure you do. However, sometimes we need to check ourselves, and that includes recounting—not just our strengths—but our weaknesses, too. You’re violent-prone, Jas.
While I rank as a black belt in martial arts and can defend myself and my family exceptionally well, even against multiple people at once, I’d think twice before engaging. I’d be afraid of the damage I could do. You, on the other hand, crave the destruction of a man. You’re excited at the prospect of violence. Initiating a battle for you isn’t an event at all. Your intent in combat is not only to injure the flesh but also to break the spirit of a man.”
Looking away, I did consider his words. They were the exact sequence I’d heard from his licensed peers when I started my federal sentence.
“I’m aware of my relationship with violence. I knew how it could be detrimental to my freedom, which is why I didn’t drink, get high, or put myself in high-risk situations.”
“I see.”
“But what if I did?”
At this point, I remembered being in spiritual warfare when catching feelings for Ashira. Damn. Those days felt so long ago. Chivon separated my one-on-one relationship with her mother. Those feelings were a world apart at this point.
Ezra’s nose tilted up. “I’m sorry?”
“What if I did put myself in a high-risk situation? Ashira. What if me falling into my flesh with her broke the covenant?”
The promise…
“Your Samson spiral?” When I didn’t reply, Ezra shook his head. “You’ve not been spiraling.”
“How do you know?”
“Because you’ve been under my spiritual leadership, I would never allow that to happen. I’d have to answer to God for it.”
“You’re over a lot of people,” I chuckled, joking away my concern. “It’s easy for some of us to get lost in the herd.”
“Impossible. You have direct access to me…my personal world. And that of my wife.”
“Harlem Pride.” I nodded.
“Speaking of which, she mentioned Josie fromRSfALC. I’m aware of you two having gone out a few times.”
“Yeah. J’s cool peoples.”
“I’m glad you feel that way. However, I’m not in favor of it.”
Huhn?
“Why?” I found that shit funny.
Ezra sat back in the leather chair, crossing one leg over the other while fingering through his beard. “It doesn’t agree with my spirit.”
“Again. Why?”
“We can start with recent events. If you’re ensuing violence on your former love interest’s ex-boyfriend, I don’t believe that puts Josie’s best interest at a fair advantage. Do you?”
Fuck that…
Laughing, I kept it a bean with him. “I like Josie.”
“Could it be because she doesn’t elicit the passion from you that cautions you to question your welfare and your future?”
