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Oliver intendedon waiting a little longer before springing the move-in on Sam, but as they lounged in the bubbling jets, it felt like the right time. He was perched between Sam’s legs, both of them half-hard and enjoying the feeling of each other’s skin on skin.
Oliver’s hair was dripping, and Sam was massaging soap along his scalp gently when Oliver realized he was happy. Content, even. Not the same as he had been, but it was a change. A good one.
“That feels amazing,” Oliver said, turning his head for a kiss. “Why have we never done this before?”
“Because,” Sam said, easing Oliver forward to recline so he could rinse the bubbles from his hair, “you were being a bit of an idiot about things.”
Oliver laughed as he shook his head in the water, coming up with dripping locks down around the sides of his face. He smiled as Sam reached forward to brush his hair back, and then came in for another kiss. “Reckon I was. Abit.”
“That’s what happens when someone carves your heart into little pieces, and takes a few with them when they go,” Sam said, pressing his palm to Oliver’s chest. “It never heals up the same way.”
Oliver let out a shaking breath. “You know thatIbroke it off withhim.”
“Outcome’s the same still, innit?” Sam asked. “Pain isn’t any different when you break your own heart.”
Oliver shrugged, starting to feel vaguely uncomfortable about the direction the conversation was taking. He had skillfully avoided talking about Gabe much, at least nothing more than the bare bones of the story. He was a good person who was there during a bad time in Oliver’s life, and it had ended quietly but painfully. Oliver never gave much more than that, and until now, Sam hadn’t asked for more.
“Will you tell me about him?”
Oliver felt his throat constrict, and he coughed to clear it. “Sorry?”
“The one who got away. The lucky bastard who managed to crack through your walls and earn your love.”
With a small huff, Oliver leaned back against his chest. “You don’t think that’s a bit, I dunno, morbid? Us being on our couple’s holiday and talking about exes?”
Sam chuckled into the top of Oliver’s hair. “Maybe if I were the jealous type. But I just want to know more. I know it was a tough time for you, and I’m not asking you to reopen old wounds. I’d just like to know what it was about him you loved so much.”
Closing his eyes, Oliver ignored the stabbing pain in his chest as he allowed himself to conjure up the memory of Gabe. “It’s hard to put it into words, if I’m being honest. He was…God, he was rude sometimes, so snarky and sarcastic, but also lovely.”
Sam let out a slow breath. “What did he look like?”
Oliver smiled in spite of himself. “Wild, dark curls, dimples in his stupid cheeks. A cute nose that made me want to bite it all the time.” He swallowed and felt waves of pleasure and pain mixing in his belly at these memories.
“Big cock?” Sam asked with a snicker, and Oliver immediately stiffened.
“I don’t see why his genitals matter,” he snapped.
Sam backed off, pushing Oliver up by the shoulders. “Hey, I was only joking. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
Shaking his head, Oliver let out a breath. “It’s just…never mind. It was just so much more than the sex. It was the first time I let myself feel for anyone. I dunno what it was about him exactly. At least, nothing I could put into words. But we spent a night together taking care of Leo after he’d passed out, and the moment I walked away, I knew I would be walking back. Saying those words to him the night I broke things off was the hardest thing I have ever done.”
“Do you regret it?” Sam asked, carefully massaging Oliver’s shoulders.
Oliver shook his head. “Not really. Nothim, anyway. He deserved better, and I was a right mess. Me and Leo both. Gabe knew it. I wanted to move forward in the relationship, but he kept putting a stop to it because he knew I was going to fall apart, and he was protecting himself. In the end he wanted to help me, to put himself at risk to make sure I could get better, and I knew it would only end up destroying him. I couldn’t focus on myself if I was consumed with him.”
Licking his lips, Sam’s hand moved from Oliver’s shoulder to his cheek, and his thumb rubbed along the skin there. “You could try and find him again, you know?”
“I could do, yeah,” Oliver admitted. “Not the first time I’ve thought about it. But honestly, it’s better this way. I want him to be happy. I want him to have moved on with someone who treats him the way he deserves to be treated. Who loves him the way he deserves to be loved.”
Very carefully, Sam brought his face in and captured Oliver’s lips in a chaste, slow kiss. When he pulled back, he pressed their foreheads together. “You’re a good man, Oliver Sasaki. You deserve love just the same.”
Oliver wrapped his hands around the back of Sam’s neck. “I know I do. And I know I’m a shit to you a lot of the time, but don’t for a second think I don’t realize how lucky I am to have you.” He paused, then carefully pushed away. “Stay here. I have something for you.”
Ignoring Sam’s bemused expression, Oliver clambered from the tub. Grabbing a towel on the way out, he hurried into the bedroom. Oliver dug around in his suitcase, and soon found the small, red box he’d tucked in with his jeans. Clutching it in a bruising grip, he took a long breath, then hurried back into the bathroom.
Sam was waiting, his body low in the tub, chin propped up against the porcelain, and he sat up a little when Oliver slid back into the water. Holding the box between his fingers, he handed it to Sam.
“I was thinking about what you said before. Before we took the holiday,” he clarified as Sam took it into his palm. “The thing is, I’m not ready to leave Leo, and he’s not ready for me to go. But if you’re still interested…” He trailed off and gestured to the box.
