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Gabe gave him a relieved look. “Sorry, I thought for a moment I outed him and that is a big no in our group. Not everyone there is out, but Leo talks about you a lot, so I just assumed.”
“I’ve known for ages,” Oliver said, reaching into the box for a packet of the tea. Ripping off the edge, he opened a cabinet and found mugs and helped himself to two. “What about you then? If you don’t mind my asking. Your pronouns I mean,” he clarified when Gabe’s brow dipped a little.
“Oh, just he is fine. I’m a trans man.” Gabe reached into a drawer, passing Oliver a spoon, then slid a small plastic bear full of honey onto the counter.
Oliver contemplated it as he took the spoon. He’d never dated a trans person before, but he’d known a fair few, and Gabe was cute. He still got butterflies in his stomach when he thought of the earlier flirting at the café, and as he added the honey, he knew he was certain he’d like it to continue.
“I’m sorry about all this, you know. I’ve been trying to get him to slow down, but he’s so bloody self-destructive.”
Gabe shrugged. “It happens. He’s shared a bit about your history…your mother in particular.”
Just the word mother sent a sharp wave of nausea through Oliver, and he clutched his mug, the heat of the ceramic grounding him a little. “Yeah, she’s a real darling, let me tell you. But I’m hoping he’ll get his head straight soon. He’s inches away from academic probation and the fucking wanker is one more unidentified drug snort away from the bloody morgue. I’m convinced of it.”
Gabe gave Oliver a soft look, reaching over after a minute to give his shoulder a squeeze. “A lot of us have been there. The group will probably help.”
Oliver sipped his tea, then let Gabe lead them to the living room where he sat down, finding the sofa as comfortable as he thought it would be. He kicked one foot up onto the low coffee table and turned to face Gabe who was sitting a cushion away. “He’s been with you lot nearly a year now, and I swear he’s getting worse. I’m not sure what he’s trying to accomplish.”
“Well, you won’t be able to help him until he wants it, you know.”
“Thank you, psych one-oh-one,” Oliver sneered, then felt instantly bad when Gabe’s face fell. “Look, I…I’m sorry. I’ve been looking out for him nearly his whole life, and I’m not going to stop now, but I’m exhausted.”
“Eventually he’s going to have to learn to fall on his own,” Gabe warned him.
Oliver leveled a look at him, one eyebrow up. “And what if he falls so hard he doesn’t get back up? You expect me to live with that?”
“Yes,” Gabe said slowly, inching over just a little. “You can’t live for him, you know. People who want to die will find a way.”
“Thanks for that, mate,” Oliver said, tipping his mug and feeling his stomach attempt to crawl out of his mouth. “I’ll sleep soundly tonight.”
“I don’t mean to sound like an asshole,” Gabe insisted. “But I’ve learned the hard way that there’s nothing you can do. And if you destroyyourlife in the meantime, what’s going to be left for you if he does actually decide he’s had enough?”
Oliver scrubbed his face, then let out a breath. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t try. I’ve already sacrificed more than I had to give.” He absently rubbed his upper arm where the worst of his scars were nestled under his shirt. “If I stop now, it will have been for nothing.”
“I don’t have siblings,” Gabe said quietly. “My parents kicked me out when I was fifteen and told them I was a boy. I have one aunt—an Orthodox Jewish lesbian, who loves me—but also doesn’t totally understand me—and that’s it. I’ve learned to live for myself.”
“So, you don’t get it,” Oliver clarified.
Gabe gave one slow shake of his head. “I don’t. But I can see you have fire in you. I saw it this morning at the café.”
Oliver raised a brow. “I thought you didn’t like me. You weren’t very friendly tonight.”
Laughing, Gabe flushed a little and looked away. “Hey, I gave you free tea. And anyway, your sibling was puking his guts up all over my shoes and I thought he was about to die.”
“Yes, but this face…” Oliver waved his hand in a circle around his head. “How can anyone dislike this face?”
When Gabe spoke again, his voice had dropped an octave. “That’s not an issue. Trust me.”
Knowing where this conversation could go, and knowing it was not a good idea just yet with Leo still not out of the woods, Oliver cleared his throat and finished off his tea. “You got somewhere for me to crash? I have a class I can’t miss tomorrow, and honestly Leo’s going to be dead to the world at least until morning.”
Looking just a little disappointed, Gabe stood up and beckoned Oliver with a hand. Oliver’s fingers slipped easily into the other man’s, and he tried not to think about how nice it felt to have that sort of contact. The human contact he avoided at almost all costs.
“You can share with me. I have a huge bed, and I promise to behave myself.”
Oliver resisted for just a moment, but he knew he wouldn’t get any rest sleeping on the small sofa. So, unless he wanted to crash on the bathroom floor next to his unconscious sibling, this was it.
Gabe opened the door to his bedroom, and Oliver was met with the faint smell of incense, and possibly laundry powder which he assumed was coming from a small basket sitting on top of a desk. The place was cluttered, a lot like the living room had been, with shelves covered in books and pictures pinned to the wood. The walls were a mixture of eighties glam rock posters and Mucha prints. There were a couple of acoustic guitars, and a larger ukulele hanging from hooks, and a string of what looked like they might be Tibetan Prayer Flags hanging beside the window.
“Eclectic,” he mused as he kicked off his shoes by the door.
