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Shiloh bent his head toward his knees and took in a slow breath before straightening back up. ‘I don’t know what to do. I’m madly in love with him, but nothing’s ever going to happen. And I can’t tell him.’
‘You’re really telling me you don’t know he loves you back just as much?’ Benjamin asked.
Shiloh wasn’t a total fool. He knew what everyone said about them, but nothing could convince him it was the truth. Dom had proven time and time again that he’d set every bridge he’d ever crossed on fire to make Shiloh happy. But that didn’t mean he wanted to do it. And he didn’t know how to trust that Dom would tell him the truth.
‘How did you know you wanted to be with Mum?’
Benjamin scoffed. ‘I didn’t at first. We hooked up because I was young and foolish. And drunk. She didn’t know a single word of BSL, but we had a nice time.’
Shiloh couldn’t remember her at all. He’d seen a handful of photos, but when he came out with wobbly eyes and low vision, apparently that was enough for her. Having a Deaf boyfriend had strained the thread holding her together. Her disabled son had snapped it.
‘If you could have me without actually being with her, would you change it?’
Benjamin gave him a soft smile. ‘No. We did have a nice time. I wasn’t heartbroken when she left. I hurt for you because you deserved someone who loved you. But you have me.’
‘Yeah,’ Shiloh signed with a small smile. ‘This isn’t helping me at all.’
Benjamin laughed and pulled Shiloh into a hug so tight, he almost wanted to cry. The warmth of it—the reminder he was loved beyond words—was everything he needed in the moment. He felt a bit better when his dad pulled away, and he shook his fingers out before signing again.
‘I know I should talk to him. I know that I’d be able to tell if he was lying to me. But I think mostly I’m terrified of the truth.’
‘That he loves you, or that he doesn’t?’
‘Both,’ Shiloh admitted. ‘It’ll change everything. He knows all my deep, dark secrets. He’s seen me at my worst. He once even wiped my ass when I had that flu so badly I couldn’t move.’
Benjamin laughed again. ‘If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is.’
‘But true love isn’t always romantic,’ Shiloh pointed out. ‘You’ve been telling me that since I was a kid.’
Benjamin’s expression softened, and he cupped Shiloh’s cheek for a long second. ‘And I meant it. But sometimes it can be both. Sometimes it can start as one and become the other down the road. I just don’t want to see you lose yourself to the unknown.’
And that was the problem. He’d confessed his biggest secret to Dom—had confirmed that Dom wouldn’t do anything but support him. But there was one more confession, one more line to cross, and doing that could make or break who they were.
He just didn’t know how to live without him.
He didn’t know if he could.
‘I think it’s time,’ he finally said.
Benjamin nodded. ‘You know you’ll always have me, but please trust it won’t go the way you’re afraid it will. You deserve to be loved exactly as you are, and I think he might be the one capable of giving you exactly that.’
Shiloh, if possible, was even more afraid. But he realized in the beat of stillness that followed his dad’s words that he was also ready.
Nine
Dom only ever sat in his office that late when things in his life were falling apart. And not knowing where he stood with Shiloh—with his apologies rejected and his texts unanswered—his life felt like it was falling apart.
He’d come in after Alan had closed up for the day, then sat in his office, staring at a stack of requisition forms and cake design requests he couldn’t even hope to read. His cork board had a half dozen paper swans pinned around it, a reminder that he was loved.
Except he wasn’t so sure about that now. Oh, he knew Shiloh loved him, but there was something in his best friend’s face that told him something had changed. Something had shifted. Maybe it was that Dom had crossed a line he didn’t know was there, but that felt entirely unfair because Shiloh had never minded when Dom rearranged his plans to be with him.
That was sort of their thing.
And if Shiloh didn’t want that anymore, it was his responsibility to say something. As much as Dom desperately wanted to read his mind, he couldn’t. No amount of smoking weed and making eye-contact for half an hour at a time had given them the ability to do that.
And they’d tried more than once back in school.
His fingers trembling, he rubbed at his eyes and wondered if he should just stop being a child and head home. It wasn’t like Shiloh was going to be there waiting for him. Only…it was the weekend. It was Friday night, and Friday nights were supposed to be dinner with Shiloh and Ben.
