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It feels so awkward, having to ask if I can sit next to her. God, I fucking hate this. But she nods and moves her bag off it for me to sit.
“Are you okay?” I ask, realizing I haven’t asked her that myself.
I’ve asked Cam, and Mali, and I’ve listened to her answer when they ask, but I haven’t taken the initiative to see for myself, and that’s something that bothers me.
She stretches her arms over her head. “I’ve been better, but I’ll be all right.”
“Will you?” I press.
Her eyes bore into mine, and I feel it—the vulnerability threatening to make its way to the surface. “I hope so.”
It’s too much, looking at her like this and being so close, and I force myself to focus my attention down at the table.
“You tried to leave again,” I choke out.
The pain is evident in my voice, giving me away in an instant, but I have to know why. If she feels the way she says she does, and she really left because she was forced to, why aren’t we worth more of a fight to her? It’s fucking pathetic, but I need the answer.
She closes her eyes for a second. “I did.”
“Why?”
“I came back because you were hurt and I was worried about you, but my being here was clearly only causing more pain, and I don’t want that for you,” she says plainly. “And then I got that note and I panicked.”
I’m quiet for a moment as I process her words, trying to keep the anger that wants to protect me at bay. “You came back because I was hurt, but that accident was the least painful thing I’ve dealt with since you left.”
She winces, feeling actual pain from my words. “I know. I’m sorry. God, you were probably so pissed at me that morning.”
“That’s the thing. I wasn’t,” I confess. “I was just as stupidly in love with you as I was the day before.”
Looking over at me, her eyes water. “I thought I was doing what was best for you. I really did.”
I nod. “I believe you, but I also know that you used tohatewhen people made decisions on your behalf. But that’s what you did that night. You made a choice for me, one I never wanted. And it sucked because I didn’t just lose the girl I was in love with. I lost my best fucking friend.”
Her bottom lip quivers, and I look away. I’m really not trying to make her cry. I’m just working through a ton of shit right now, and I don’t have all the answers to make the pieces fit.
“There’s a part of me that still loves you,” I say honestly. “There’s always going to be a part of me that still loves you. But right now, there’s a part of me that wants to hate you, and I’m not sure which is stronger.”
She sniffles, wiping away her tears and nodding. “I get that. I do.”
I get up from the table and put my fist on it. “Just do me a favor?”
“Anything,” she replies, and I know she means that.
“Don’t go anywhere until I figure it out.”
There’s a glint of hope in her eyes, and the corners of my mouth raise slightly before I walk away. As I go back behind the bar, I see Riley watching me sadly.
“So, that’s her, huh?” she asks. “The girl who made it so you don’t believe in love anymore?”
I let myself look at Laiken for a moment before I answer, feeling the way I still crave her like an addiction that never seems to fully go away.
“I believe in love,” I say simply. “I just don’t believe in it with anyone but her.”
I THOUGHT I WOULDbe relieved, listing the house for sale. And maybe I would be if Laiken hadn’t come back. But as I stand here, watching someone hammer a for-sale sign into the front yard, it doesn’t feel anything like I thought it would. I expected bittersweet, but all I feel is bitter.
The realtor who helped me buy this place is the same one I’m listing it through, and she’s surprised to see it back on the market so soon.
“With how your girlfriend was talking about it, I thought this was your forever home,” she tells me.
