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He reappears a bit to our left with a grin on his face. “As I said, I am absolutely, one hundred percentuntouchable.”
I point to his forehead where a bead of blood is running down toward his eye. “Kind of looks like you got touched.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says with a smile… an extremely oblivious one.
“There’s blood… it’s running toward your eye. You were clearly hit.” The blood is increasing in volume and speed.
“I can’t be hit,” he says. “I know that’s hard for you to fathom.” The blood has now breached his eye. It’sinhis eye. He’s blinking frantically while trying to play it off like it hasn’t touched him.
I narrow my eyes at this display. “It kind of looks like you were hit and are now trying to blink away the blood.”
“I’ve never been hit in my life. I will not be hit now,” he says.
“Yeah?” I say as I lift another rock and fling it. He disappears but with the way he’s trying to blink the blood out of his right eye, I guess he’s going to go to the left. When he reappears, there are two bloody marks.
“What did I tell you?” he asks. He must have rubbed his right eye while he was invisible because the blood has now been absolutelysmearedacross his face. “No one can hit the Untouchable.”
“Is that like your name or something? Untouchable?” Is this pity I feel for the man or just a confusing amount of rage still? Probably rage.
“I have never been touched.”
“Like… sexually?” I ask.
He narrows his eyes. “No, by a fucking attacker.”
“What about the two times I just pelted you with a rock?” I ask as I wave to my forehead.
“Ha! As if,” he says as the blood on the left side of his head starts to run into his left eye. It’s like he’s wearing a mask of blood now. “I am the Untouchable, a villain who was hired to kill both of you, but allow me to inform you—”
I whip another rock at him. “I hate monologues.”
“What the fuck, man!” he yells as he reappears with another bloody spot, but this time he’s aiming his gun at me. “I was going to spare you guys, but now I’m going to kill you both. Who wants to die first?”
“Like… we have to choose?” I ask. “Because that’ll give me plenty more time.” I lift up ten rocks and fling them all at him at once. He disappears but when he returns his sleeve is torn.
He seems more than a bit displeased at this turn of events. “Fine! Condensed version, then, eh? I’ve been hired to kill both of you, but if you guys pay better, I’ll defend you.”
“Then what happens when the other guy pays you more to kill us?”
“Then I’ll kill you guys. It’s quite simple. I’m a simple man who simply likes money.”
“And to not be touched,” I remind him. “Sexually.” In case it wasn’t clear.
“I like…” He sighs rather dramatically.
I glance over at August to see his thoughts, but he’s just whipped out his superhero pose and seems to be stuck in pulling that off. He leans in real close. “Landon… I kind of feel bad for him. He looks really adamant about pretending he’s never been hit.”
I glance over at the man who is just still trying his hardest to look like he’s not being blinded by blood.
“I have never been touched!” the man declares. Clearly, this is his catchphrase.
“That’s shocking and quite the power,” August says as I question why he’s going along with this absolute idiot. He’s too nice. How is he so damn sweet? He’s an absolutely magical man.
“Since you’ve never been hit, I’ve decided I’m going to make it my life goal to hit you,” I say as I lift up a much larger rock that the man stares at a bit uncertainly.
“I… I thought we could be friends,” Untouchable Man says.
“You want to bepaid.”
