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“You think?” I ask as I look over at him. “Or do you think that by treating them like they’re human and showing them that you care about them, they’ll like you more?”
Kade seems to sour at that, and I can’t tell if I hit a nerve or if he’s just annoyed at me. “They’re not here to be friends, they’re here to do a job for me and get paid.”
I watch him for a moment as he stares right into my soul.
“Fuck, you’re annoying,” he decides on.
I smile at him before leaning my body into his shoulder. “Am I?”
“Extremely. Why the hell are you sitting so close to me?”
“I’d think you’d love that! I mean… if someone came in to kill you, the bullet would have to go through my body first. I could just… throw myself over you in a heroic act. It would be the greatest love story never written.”
“That’s true. Please make sure you jump in front of any bullets for me.”
“I will. Just for you,” I say as I take his hand and force the controller into it. “Smash Bros.time! Are youready?”
“Absolutely not. I have things to do.”
“You’re going to be dead in five days, I mean, really… what do you even need to do? Youhaveto have gotten your scowl quota in for the day.”
And there’s another scowl to add to it! “There are many other things I’d prefer to be doing right now. Maybe I’ll find myself someone to fuck, then.”
I gasp. “Oh… honey, no… this is so much more fun.”
“Thansex?” he questions.
“I may be a bit… biased but I tend to believe anything with me is more fun than sex with some rando who’s gonna be all ‘Ooh, your cock is as big as your wallet, fuck me harder. Ooh la la, now buy me something!’”
He doesn’t think I’m anywhere near as funny as I think I am, but I do get a snicker out of a guard near him. When Kade turns his eyes onto the man, he looks prepared to lay down his life. Kade huffs and returns his attention to me.
“Cute.”
“Aw, thank you. I paid extra attention to not brushing my hair today,” I say as I notice he’s put the controller back down. I grab his hand and practically force it back into his fingers. “Do we have duct tape? Anyone have duct tape?”
“You are not taping this piece of shit to my hand.”
“Someone’s in a mood. Is he always this moody?” I ask the guards who absolutelyrefuseto even acknowledge me at this point. They know their jobs, and perhaps even their lives, are on the line. “You know what fascinates me the most? Like… look at these guards. They’re fucking wary of you, and why? You can’t fight. You don’t know how to use a gun. You just know how to sit pretty and scowl.”
“Who invited you in here?” Kade asks, but I’m having far too much fun to leave.
“I just… it’s like a train wreck. I can’t look away.”
“You literally can’t wait to watch me die, can you?”
“It’s gonna begruesome. So much blood and gore.”
Kade grabs the front of my hoodie, drawing me in so close he could nearly kiss me, and for some reason, my eyes betray me by looking down at his lips even though he’s clearly winding up to start complaining some more. But his expression tells me that this time, he doesn’t mean it. He’s not truly angry. “You are a fucking menace.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that. Len the Menace. It has a nice ring to it, dontcha think? Alright, let’s pick your character. You totally look like aWii Fitkind of guy.”
“I don’t even know what that means. Does the character suck?”
“I’m not going to give you theworstcharacter. What kind of person do you think I am? Nah, nah. You’ll be good,” I say as I pick my character and start the game.
“Why the hell do I look so damn useless, and you have a sword?”
“It’s all about the moves, baby,” I say as I try to show him how to play. He just sits there like he’s miserable. “Do you want my help? If you want my help saving your life, you play the game.”
