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“Like… on your lap’s fine then?”
I’m going to murder him. I have never murdered a man with my own hands, though I have had many killed for me. But I think today’s the day. Today is the day that I will color my hands in red and do the world a favor.
“So notanywhere,I take it.”
“Do you know who I am?” I ask.
“Ooh, let me guess! A children’s entertainer? You look like you love seeing the smiling wittle faces looking up at you.”
“Has your life ever been threatened before?”
He cocks his head and seems to think about it as his blue-green eyes watch me closely. “This one time this guy bumped into me on the subway and was like, ‘I’m gonna fuck you up… bitch.’ But then we went and got drinks after, and he told me about how his wife cheated on him and he was going through a hard time—”
The glossing over of my eyes must have clearly shown that I give zero shits about this. I turn back to my phone and send another text to Harker.
Me: Can I kill the kid waiting outside your office?
Me: That’s it. I’m going to kill him.
Me: And then you for not answering.
“You’re a tough sell, you know that, right?” he asks, so I get up myself and move to the farthest chair. The woman is watching us curiously but seems to enjoy the fact I’m the one being tortured.
The young man doesn’t get up, no, he scoots his chair out of the lineup and proceeds to make the most obnoxioussqueee squeeeeeee squeeeeeenoise as he scoots it over to me. “Okay, okay. Now the tricky part, would you rather fuck, marry, or kill Iron Man, Superman, and Thor?”
“Can we toss you into this equation?” I ask.
He cups his hand over his mouth in an irritatingly ridiculous way. “Oh wow, how forward, I never would have guessed. You move so fast. You should at least buy me dinner first.”
“Why are you choosingmeto irritate?” I ask as I wave to the woman. “Irritate her.”
“Why me?” she asks.
The man is not deterred. “Fine, fine. One last question and I promise I’ll leave you alone.”
I am fully aware this is a lie, but if there’s asinglechance I don’t have to coat these walls in his blood, then I’ll take it.
“Are you ready?”
I stare at him.
“It’s a really important question.”
I’d fucking marry Thor so he could strike this asshole down. Just… explode him.
“If you had the chance to eat a Pokémon, which one would you eat?” he asks.
It is at that very moment that the kid’s life forever changes because if Harker hadn’t walked onto the scene, I would have done something I surely would haveneverregretted. Maybe I would have regretted it a little—not because he doesn’t deserve it and is an innocent bystander but because it’d be a bitch to explain to Harker.
“Hey, sorry about that,” Harker says as he walks up.
“It’s A-okay, I made a new friend,” the irritating man says as he passes Harker a folder before trying to give me a high five. I stare at him, so he then switches his high five to Harker who gives it to him before he heads off on his adventure to irritate people. It’s a wonder he’s lived this long.
“Sorry for making you wait, Nicole,” Harker says as he hurries into his room and gathers some stuff that he passes to her. She waves one of the binders at him in farewell.
“That’s okay,” she says, and with that she’s off.
Harker shuts his office door and turns to me.
