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“I know that.” Her voice was rising. “Look, I’m just saying, it’s not because you’re a satyr. There are tons and tons of satyrs who get married and never cheat on their wives and have lots of little satyr babies and—”
“Maybe,” he said. “But they all wish they didn’t have to.”
“Okay,” she said. Why did her voice break?
“You like him a lot, huh?” His voice was scratchy.
“I don’t… it’s not… I hardly know him.”
“You can have a boyfriend if you want, Dahlia,” he whispered. “I can… I can let you—”
“Letme?”
“Tangles and briars, I didn’t mean—”
“I think you did.” She stalked across the room and pushed on his chest, pushing him backwards. “You know, if I don’t own you, you don’t own me either.” She pushed him out and slammed the door in his face.
viii.
IT WAS MOREawkward in the shop that day.
They had been weird around each other the day before, but Dahlia felt especially strange around Niles now. She tried to act normal, but she couldn’t even remember how to do that exactly. They were both watching each other now, and not even really pretending not to.
When she was watching him, she was thinking about intimate things, thinking about the way his body had moved against hers in the loft in his apartment, thinking about how his voice had sounded in her ear when he was inside her, thinking about the feel of his mouth on her skin.
When he was watching her, she got the feeling he was remembering what she looked like without any clothes on.
She kept wanting to touch him, thinking that touching him seemed natural now, easy and sweet, and then knowing that she shouldn’t, because no one could know what was going on with them.
Then she wondered at herself.
What was the reason she really wanted it secret, anyway? Was it about what people thought? Because no one ever understood her as it was. And she was used to that. Or was it about Tommy?
If it was about him, then…
Well, he knew now.
Did she think that it would embarrass Tommy, if other people saw her with another man? Did she care about that? Whatwasher arrangement with Tommy, really? Was it actually about both of them being free to do whatever they wanted or was it really about him being free and her being his?
She didn’t know where these thoughts were coming from, because she didn’t think these sorts of thoughts about Tommy. Whatever he was to her, he was also her best friend, and she trusted him with all her secrets, and he was the only person who knew her, really knew her, and that mattered, all of it, so she couldn’t betray him.
But…
But what about the way he betrayed her?
Okay, Tommy, he wasn’t monogamous. She loved Tommy, so she thought maybe she’d try not being monogamous, too. But what if she justwas?
“You okay?”
She looked up to see that Niles was hovering near her. “Fine.”
“You looked, uh, worried.”
“No, I’m fine.”
He nodded. “Uh, is it… if you’re regretting anything with the two of us, I just want you to know that the previous offer stands, and I’m willing to pretend none of it happened, if that’s what you want.”
They were lying to themselves that they could just pretend it hadn’t happened. She shook her head. “No.”
