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Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I knew you were going to break up with me.”
“I’mnotbreaking up with you.” He screamed it.
She flinched from him.
Now, he felt guilty. He sagged into the bench of the picnic table and took deep breaths, calming himself. He hated this, getting in the middle of some argument, not thinking clearly, feeling far away from a person you loved and usually felt very connected to? It was torture.
She was sobbing audibly.
He reached across the table. “I’m sorry.”
She pulled her hand back so that he couldn’t touch her.
He left his fingers there, splayed out. “I shouldn’t have yelled. Dahlia, I don’t want to lose you. I love you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I won’t lie to you. I thought about getting out of this. I thought about leaving you. But, you’re right, it’s my pattern, and I want to break that pattern. I want this to work.”
“It’s barely been two months,” she said. “If we’re having to ‘make it work’ at this point, isn’t that a sign?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe. Or maybe things that are worth having take work. Maybe you’re either willing to do it or you’re not.”
“But the ‘work’ is me,” she said. “Ihave to change.”
“You don’t have to do anything,” he said. “This isn’t some ultimatum: go to therapy or I leave you. If you really don’t want to go to a therapist, that’s fine. Whatever. You know, Tommy told me some stuff, and I’ll try it that way next time, and you won’t make me pass out and—”
“I will never feed on you again,” she said. “Are youinsane?”
“So, back to him, then.” He groaned.
“And you don’t like that,” she said.
“The thing with him, it’s fucked up,” he said. “You guys hurt each other and then pretend that it’s okay, because you think you’re providing the other person a service by being their punching bag.”
“Tommy is mybest friend.”
“No, he’s not. He enables you.”
“Briars and tangles. Now, I’maddictedto my raven mocker attributes?” She was sarcastic. “Do I have this right?”
“No.” He cringed. He couldn’t think. “No, I know you don’t like it.”
“Idon’tlike it, and if there were a way to stop, I would stop. But thereisn’ta way. I’ve had to come to accept this. If you want to be with me, you do, too.” She got up from the table, sighing heavily.
He buried his face in his hands. Was she right? Was he just being an ass?
“Maybe we need time to think.”
“Yes.” He couldn’t think, and he wanted to get his head straight.
She let out a little cry of dismay.
He looked up. “I didn’t mean time likethat. Just to think, for serious.”
“You do want a break. I don’t know why you can’t just say it.”
“I don’t,” he said. “I don’t want a break or for us to break up or anything like that.”
“Well, I think it makes sense,” she said. She started to bundle up the napkins and containers on the table and stick them into the bag they had come in.
“Hey, you don’t have to clean up,” he said.
