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For fuck’s sake.“I’m not sad! Stop saying that. Yes, Claire left, and I’m nothappyabout it, but I’m also not sad. I knew it was coming.”
Outsiders left. I’d known that since my dad skipped town and never returned. My sister should have understood that logic, both because of our dad and because of Sophia’s father.
“Just because you knew it was coming doesn’t mean you can’t feel sad.” Her tone was gentle, which raised my hackles further. I didn’t need anyone’s pity.
I gritted my teeth. “I really wish you’d mind your own business.”
She glared at me. I guessed she was done handling me with kid gloves. “You’re the one who brought it up.”
“No, I’m not. Sophia brought it up because you brought it up to her.” I was nearly shouting by the end of my sentence. I scrubbed a hand over my face.Shit.I was coming unglued.
My sister pursed her lips.
“I’m fine,” I insisted, keeping my voice at a reasonable decibel. “Perfectly fine.”
Lyra said nothing.
“I am.” I put my hands flat on the bar and took several deep breaths, but they did nothing to settle the storm brewing within. “Everything is great,” I said more to myself than to Lyra. Except the words were hollow, matching the emptiness that plagued my chest. I’d always been good at believing my own lies, but I could no longer ignore the truth. I looked up at my sister. “Everything is not great. I’m not fine, am I?”
Chuckling, Lyra smiled and wrapped her arms around me.
“You’re laughing at my pain,” I said miserably.
“So you finally admit there’s pain?”
I sighed as she released me. “Fine, yes, I admit it. I miss Claire. I never should have gotten involved with her.”
Lyra cocked her head. “No, you never should have let her leave.”
Her assessment was not helpful.Why doesn’t anyone get it?“She doesn’t live here. What was I supposed to do—keep her hostage?”
Lyra rolled her eyes. “Obviously not. But did you even ask her to consider staying?”
I blinked. That idea had never occurred to me. “This isn’t her home. She wouldn’t stay.”
“You don’t know that because you never mentioned it to her. And even if she couldn’t stay, that doesn’t mean your relationship had to end. Lots of people do long distance.”
“Not me. I don’t.” A long-distance relationship was a level of hell that I had no desire to get lost in.
She sighed. “Okay. You’re right. Stay miserable and don’t even try to come up with a solution.”
I bit back the urge to snap at her even as I realized she was right—my Eeyore tendencies were serving no one. “I didn’t think I’d miss her like this.” I rubbed at my chest, trying to soothe the ache that wouldn’t stop plaguing me.
“You miss people you love when they’re not around.”
Her words hit the ache in my chest, making it throb. Lyra’s statement implied IlovedClaire, which was ridiculous. Because I didn’t. That was impossible. It didn’t make any sense.
“I don’t…”
I couldn’t complete the sentence because it would have been a lie. The ache in my chest suddenly made perfect sense, even as what I was feeling bewildered me. The realization made me stagger. Somewhere along the line, I’d fallen in love with Claire.
When the hell did that happen? Was it when she treated my mangy mutt like a prized show dog? Or was it when she charmed my stepfather with her inept poker playing? Maybe it was when I was exploring every inch of her body.
My sister was looking at me with a suppressed smile. I felt like I’d been sucker punched. I gripped the edge of the bar to steady myself. “How the hell did you figure this out before I did?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty smart. And a woman, which means I’m not afraid of my feelings.”
I scoffed. “I’m not afraid of my feelings.”
