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I remember what it was like to hold her, to have her by my side like this. The soothing, whiffling sounds of her heavy breathing tell me she’s calm and at rest. Soon, my breathing begins to match hers.
I developed insomnia recently. Even lying in bed, my mind races and I’m wide awake.
I stifle a yawn.
It’s been a long day, though. I’m exhausted.
I’m only going to stay here to make sure she’s safe.
I close my eyes. It’s warm in here. God, Cosette’s a damn furnace. Do pregnant women run hot?
Pregnant.
I imagine a baby inside her.
My baby.
Why was there a shooting nearby? Does it have anything to do with us?
Is this my baby?
I yawn, my eyes still closed.
How can I punish her without harming the baby?
I don’t care who I’ve killed or what I’ve done, I don’t love the idea of keeping a pregnant woman prisoner, and if she’s pregnant with my baby…
What will I do with her?
* * *
SIX
Cosette
Where am I?I don’t recognize the cream-colored walls of my room at Le Luxe. I still when I feel the warm, obviously male body behind me.
Lyam. I’m at Lyam’s.
God, I sleep hard, being pregnant.
Why is he in this bed? He left me last night, and I was so heavily asleep I never heard him return. When did he come in? Why?
And more surprisingly—is he actually asleep? I’ve never had him in bed with me like this because Lyam doesn’t really sleep. Plagued with insomnia, he would lie in bed with me whileIslept and occasionally catch a few hours. But right now, I can feel the slow, steady, rhythmic breathing that indicates he is indeed asleep.
I’m struck with the sudden, disconcerting realization that even if things were good between me and Lyam, pregnancy itself is not going to be all fun and games. My body is telling me loud and clear I have to use the bathroom before my bladder explodes. But I’m confident that if I move, I’m going to vomit.
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
I’m at war within myself, trying to figure out which is more important right now: staying completely still so I don’t vomit again, or going to the bathroom so I don’t explode. And if I do move, I’m afraid I’ll wake Lyam up. I don’t want to.
I like it when he actually sleeps. And I don’t want to fight with him anymore.
I remind myself I should hate him.
The need to use the bathroom wins. I move as slowly as I can, but soon realize moving means I need to extricate myself from his arm around my waist.
Oops.
