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“You’ve never told me this.”
I never wanted to.
I take a deep breath to quell the anger that rises when I remember this.
“I’ve never told anyone the details. I didn’t want my brothers to fuck things up and lose their minds, so I told them I was okay. And they rescued me. They killed the people who held me captive, but I knew then and I know now that whoever did it were only pawns in a bigger game.”
She stares at me with wide eyes and does that thing she does, stroking my chin as if she cherishes me. It soothes me.
“Who was it?”
“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “But I haven’t forgotten it.”
“My God, how could you?”
I shake my head and give her a squeeze. She knows. She gets it. She understands me.
“When I close my eyes and fall asleep, I’m there again. I was chained in a dark room. I knew that some of the men who came and went wore uniforms—they were part of the police force.”
She draws in a sharp breath but doesn’t say anything else, not yet.
“They hurt me, but that wasn’t the worst of it. I’m a big guy. You’ve seen the scars. They knew that if I ever got out of those chains, I’d kill them. So they used mental tactics, too.” I clench my jaw. “They kept me isolated and gave me no food or water until I thought I’d die. They told me my mother was endangered, threatened to torture my brothers, and kept me awake for days on end. I can’t sleep now because that’s how they tortured me best. They showed me pictures of children and entire cities they’d destroy if I didn’t tell them everything.”
“Oh my God,” she says. “Lyam. God, I had no idea.”
How would she? I haven’t told her.
“I don’t like to talk about it.”
“I can see why.”
Her hand comes to rest gently on my chest again.
“When I close my eyes, I go back there. It takes different forms, but I’m helpless. Chained. Tortured. Only this time, the person they have is you.”
Her voice is choked. “Lyam—”
“But not when I’m with you. When I’m with you, I close my eyes and Isleep.”
She pushes herself up and slides herself on top of me. I hold her to me when she dips her mouth to mine and kisses me. We stay like that for a while, kissing and exploring, holding each other, until I can’t stand it anymore. I roll her over and spread her legs, and while we kiss each other, I slide into her and we make love. We say with our bodies the words we can’t say any other way.
I hold her in the quiet aftermath. Then she says literally the last thing I expect.
“I think you should make plans to get Princess back."
“What?” I look at her in surprise, a little amused. “I thought you hated Princess.”
“Well,” she says thoughtfully. “No, I don’thatesnakes. I actually really like Princess. She’s the nicest snake I’ve ever met.”
She nearly jumps off my chest from the bark of laughter that bursts out of me. “No, I’m serious,” she says. “I’ve never seen a snake that wastrainedso well. She’s very docile, actually. But that’s not my point.”
Sobering, she holds my face in her hand. “She soothes you. I think a part of you likes that you’ve tamed this wild, dangerous animal and that she practically purrs in your hand. She’s… kind of like your dog. Some people pet their dogs, you pet your snakes. Knowing what I know about you, that’s not terribly surprising.” Her eyes grow a little heated. “You like submissives, don’t you?”
I run my fingers through her hair. “You know I do. And yeah, baby. Thanks for that. I like having Princess with me. I like having you with me, too. How are you feeling today?”
“Oh, Lyam.” I blink in surprise when her eyes water. “You care? You’re asking me how I’m feeling?No oneasks me how I’m feeling!” And then she starts crying, right then and there, actual fat tears streaming down her cheeks. I wipe away a tear with my thumb and stare at her.
“You’re crying because I asked you how you’re feeling?” I shake my head and hold her to me while her shoulders heave and she cries harder. “Sweet Cossie. Pretty girl. God, I had no idea.”
