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“I think the place is beautiful,” I say, treading water.
“Not as beautiful as you.”
“Don’t, Huff. I’m not your yo-yo.”
“Sorry. Can’t help it.” He treads next to me. “You know, when I was little, my family and I would go on these summer vacations in the mountains, and I’d never leave the cabin. Not to hike or swim or ride horses. This place reminds me of how much I missed out on—what I can’t get back.”
“You mean memories with Joy.” He worshipped his older sister, and I did, too. She was smart, feisty, and didn’t care what anyone thought. When it came to protecting Huff, she was like a mama bear. She never backed down.
“Yeah. That’s part of it. We were all together, my parents weren’t crazy sad, and Kyle acted like less of an asshole. I should’ve made more of an effort to be part of my family.”
I feel sorry for Huff because he still hasn’t learned from his past.I’m right here, and you’re not making an effort. “So why won’t you fight to keep what you have left? Or are you just going to wait until the rest is gone, too?”
He gives me a look. He’s not even breathing hard. Meanwhile, I’m panting.
“Want to try something fun?” he asks, changing the subject.
“Errr…sure.”
“Put your arms around my neck.”
I paddle over and press my chest to his back. Skin on skin.Oh God. He feels good.
“Hang on.” He dips his head under the surface and starts swimming. Suddenly, I’m gliding through the water. It’s like riding a warm wave in the middle of the lake. It’s so damned weird. And so much fun. I laugh and hang on.
CHAPTER EIGHT
After our swim, Huff and I sip cold beers with lime wedges, we roast hotdogs on a little grill he has outside in the back, and we talk about all the crazy crap we did together growing up—climbing the garage roof of my parents’ house and jumping into a pile of couch pillows below. Mom was super angry. Then there was our impromptu ten-mile bike ride to the county fair at eight o’clock at night so we could buy cotton candy. We threw it all up on the Gravitron—that ride where you spin and stick to the wall. We were eleven. Both our parents were super-angry that time. And then there were our super-secret sleepovers at Huff’s. Super-secret, because my dad is super-strict and would never, ever have allowed me to have a sleepover with a boy. But Huff and I had our ways. Mostly, I’d sneak over to his house and come through the back door.
We would play games, like D&D or war. We’d read comics—Huff always liked the weird ones. I always liked Marvel orMAD. We’d talk, sneak snacks from the kitchen, and then fall asleep on his bed. I think his parents knew when I was over because they’d make extra noise in the morning, preparing coffee or breakfast. His room was on the second floor, so I’d have to tiptoe down the stairs, hang a left into the living room and go out through the laundry room. I always loved our sleepovers because it felt like we were in our own bubble, insulated from the world. For those few short hours, everything was perfect.
One time, I kissed him when he was asleep, and I think that was the moment I knew. “Huff, I’m going to marry you someday,” I told him. He didn’t hear me, but I didn’t care. I felt it in my heart.
How wrong I was.
Well, like all those nights we’d slept side by side and I’d escape in the morning, today is no different except for this one being the last.
I open my eyes. It’s morning now, and Huff’s body is wrapped around me in his bed, one strong arm curled around my waist. His mouth is pressed to the back of my neck, where his shallow breaths tickle the fine hairs.
I stay frozen, fighting the urge to turn around and kiss him—maybe slide my hands under his T-shirt and glide my fingertips over his chest and abs, too. Maybe I’d explore further, and he’d wake up to do the same.
My core rolls with heat as images of the two us, naked, fucking, wash through my head. So many times I’ve fantasized about what it would be like to have sex with him, a guy I’m completely comfortable with. Zero inhibitions. After his transformation, I couldn’t stop having sexual dreams. Especially after I saw his cock. It pushed my curiosity and lust over the edge.
Do it, River. Turn around. Touch him. Kiss him. I know I shouldn’t, but maybe this time he won’t say no, and I want to be with him just once.
I slowly twist in his arms, careful not to wake him, but my lust quickly turns to sadness. I can’t believe I’m saying goodbye to him, my Huff.I just got you back…
I drink in his handsome face with golden-brown stubble and angular jaw. I commit the shape of his light brown eyebrows to memory. I study the details of each golden eyelash fanning out over his cheekbones.
God, I’m stupid.I’m searing his image into my head when I’ve already decided to let him go. What I should be doing is looking away.
They say that the only people who can break your heart are the ones whom you’ve gifted a piece to. In my case, Huff doesn’t own my heart—I do—but he definitely has an all-access pass. He always has. Maybe he always will. But I won’t have a shot at a torment-free life if I don’t try to break this bond—thisthingbetween us—that’s been there since childhood.
With tears in my eyes, I carefully slide away from his warm body and stand over him, my heart breaking. I lean over and kiss his soft lips, lingering just long enough to soak in their warmth. “I love you. Goodbye.”
I grab my purse and shoes, and I slip out the front door. I gulp down a sob as I push my bare feet into my pink Converse and hike up to the main road. I want to go back. I want to shake him hard and tell him to wake up. Not from his sleep but from his blindness.
How can he give up on us so easily? I’m a big girl and accept the risks of being with him.
