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“Good.” She crosses her arms. Breathes. Straightens her suit. “When I put him next door, I was thinking of you.”

“Me?”

“Who wouldn’t want their first time to be with Gabriel Wade? I didn’t peg him for a wham-bam bathroom man though. Although heisa teenage boy.” She pats my arm and frowns. “It’ll be better next time. When he’s not drunk. That was unfortunate.” Her pseudo-soothing tone prickles the back of my neck. “And pick a more private place. Why do you think I haven’t slept in our room?”

I know exactly why she hasn’t slept in our room. She just doesn’t know I know. “I’m in high school. You’re supposed to scare me with pregnancy statistics and show me pictures of disgusting diseases, not giftwrap me a guy.” I feel my face blaze. “What’s wrong with you?”

“You don’t go out with friends. You go to school online. How are you supposed to meet boys?” The jangle of her bracelets adds an exclamation to every point. “You’re almost eighteen.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Iwas fifteen when I...” She plays with her earring. “In hindsight, in the backseat of a Chevy behind a gas station was maybe not the best choice.”

“Just stop.” I clench my teeth against a cyclone spinning inside me. This is the woman Dad chose to spend time with over me? Never underestimate the power of purple lingerie. Done with her inside-out sex talk, I move toward our room.

“I know you don’t have your mom to talk to.” She circles my wrist, her gaze going to the spot on my jaw I’ve covered with heavy concealer.

I touch the scar. “You know about that too? What hasn’t he told you?” That spiral twists and turns and builds and builds until I’m trembling everywhere. I wrench from her grasp,

She cuts in front of me. “I’m just trying to help.”

“I don’t want your help.” The heavy stairwell door down the hall slams behind me, the harsh sound spinning that cyclone so fast it blows through every filter I have. “I did not have sex with Gabe in a public restroom. I’m not going to have sex with Gabe in a hotel room. The only first I had was my first kiss, and even that was ruined. I’m not like you,” I shout. “Just because you gave it away at a gas station, just because you’re... sleeping with my dad to get him to sign with you doesn’t mean I’m going to get naked with the first guy who looks at me.”

Instead of yelling back, she stumbles away. Hurt forms in the lines around her mouth and face—the pain out of place with her berry-painted lips, contoured cheekbones, and manicured eyebrows. “As long as we’re clearing the air, I didn’t find you by accident.” Her voice is quiet. “Your dad sent meHaunted, told me it was gold, and that I’d be stupid not to sign you.”

I back up against the wall. “Dad readHaunted?” He knows what I did? And gave the book to Vi anyway? Those things go into a box for later labeledThings that Shake Me to the Core.

“He found it on DigitalReads. And before you think your success has anything to do with my sex life, it was a good business call. I’m pulling in commission on a six-figure advance, and you’re sitting on a three-book contract.” The hurt crawling across her face finally reaches her eyes, and she turns around and walks away.

I stare at her retreating back, acid burning my throat, too many emotions rushing through me to harness.

A throat clears to my right, turning my head.

Keycard out, eyes fastened on me, Gabe stands frozen in front of his door.

chapter 30

Gabe

“Blame other people, not yourself.”

~ Meredith Morgan

(played by the award-winning Meredith Wade)

Raising Ryder: Episode12

“I ruined your first kiss.” Everything else Jess screamed at Vi fades into the background. So does my inner caveboy, who would’ve given the mother of all fist pumps for being Jess’s first—if shame hadn’t wrangled him back. I stole that kiss from her to save myself. I used her. I take a step forward.

Jess takes a step back, the color draining from her face.

The Imperial Marchblares from my phone. David. The guy I don’t want to deal with. The guy I have to deal with after the shitstorm I kicked up with Gretchen.

I’m torn. Jess or David. Both send a spiked steamroller across my chest.

Jess decides for me, sliding her keycard through her door and slipping inside.

I slink into my room and lean against the closed door. Through the wall, I hear her trying not to cry, and it brings that steamroller back for one more pass. Rubbing my chest, I put David on speaker. “Yeah.”

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