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“Say what?” I asked, exasperated, while I tried to figure out if he hadn’t noticed I had pain scorching my nerves or if he was unmoved. Neither was promising.
“They areyourAlpha and Luna.”
I started to say something about how I’d be respectful in public, but this isn’t real,weweren’t real, I wasn’treallyan AmberHowl. But the words lodged in my throat like his hand had shoved them there. I slammed headfirst into the soft-spoken pillar of grim reality named Searle.
And the reality peeled me right down the middle and congratulated me on finally getting hold of it.
“Say it,” the pillar of reality told me.
My skin shivered with a dangerous rush. MoonDark held the sensation of fur stabbing under my skin and my throat full of barks. Panic scratched and clawed under my skin, screaming to get out, begging me to wake up from this nightmare.
It slammed down on me in a chilling, crushing torrent.
“We both know this is a farce,” I choked out.
“It is very real.”
“Yes, it’s real, but it’s notfinal.”
“It may as well be.”
“Did you volunteer?”
“I acquiesced to my Alpha’s request. I am not fully informed on why it’s necessary to go to such lengths, but I trust my Alpha and Luna would not make such an extraordinary request of me without good reason. Especially one that does not align with their values. I’ve been assured a full explanation will be coming in the future, but now is not the time.”
I almost burst out laughing. “Must be nice to have that much trust in an Alpha.”
“You do not?”
“I didn’t even trust my own father that much. I know how the sausage gets made. It’s how I got cut up with silver and chewed in two.”
“If you actually knew how it got made, you would not be injured.”
“Play Elder games, win Elder prizes.”
“I think the word you’re looking for isstupid.”
My vision got dim around the edges as my fury replaced my scratching panic. “I didn’t roll over when some Alphas violated the Fifth Law and swam across a prestige ocean to drown everything I love. Do you know the deal my father made with the Elder Council twenty years ago? Do you know what’s going on in the arctic? Did you know Sterling killed my brother with a custom claw gauntlet’s silver needle? Do you know why FrostFur carved me with silver, or why GranitePaw decided if Sterling and I wouldn’t join them, they’d kill us?”
His jaw moved slightly.
I half-laughed, miserable. “The part you missed is that I might not be winning, but I’ve forced them to let me play, and you didn’t even know a game was in session. I haven’t won, but none of them have managed to kill or silence me yet, and I’m fighting to the death.”
“There will be a fight to the death, but you won’t be the one bleeding.”
“Sounds like you object to a little blood. So are you praying Sterling wins or Sterling loses?”
“I have to ask that you never speak his name. And I have no prayers one way or the other on the matter. I deal in reality, and the reality is I’ve seen his fundamentals. He is no match for Alan.”
“He doesn’t have to win. He just has to grind Alan to a draw.Alanhas to win. Can’t let that rumored hybrid be less than very dead.”
Unmoved, Searle said, “That won’t happen either. He is a credit to what can be achieved through sheer force of will. It won’t be enough, and I’m not arguing this with you. You will not say his name again. I am your mate, and you are mine. It is almost March. You met him in October, and were separated in January. That is less than four months of a life shared. You and I, by the time July comes, will have shared a life for six months. I fully anticipate that will continue.”
I understood not wanting to feed me false hope, but Sterling was mymate. “I have lost two packs, my father, my brother, my packmates, my family, and my mate in those four months.”
“I will not disrespect that by dismissing your grief, but I am also not going to entertain it. Nor will you disrespect what AmberHowl has done for you. I ask you do your best to be a good mate to me, and a credit to AmberHowl. I am sure if you devote the same level of effort to that as you do fighting with Elders, you will be successful, and perhaps even a Solstice Hound again. I will do my best to be a good mate to you.”
Bold of him to jump right ahead and demand I act like the past four months of my life had been some hair that just needed a trim.
