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“Nothing numerous stitches couldn’t put back together.”
“You can hold me tighter, you know. I’m not made of glass.”
He tightened his grip a tiny squeeze. “I want to ask about... him.”
“I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Is he...”
“I don’t want to talk about him.” There would benotalking about Searle. “They tell me I’m going to stay like this if... but I won’t. If you—”
if you die...
“Winter.” He ducked his head so his lips brushed mine and drew my attention up to him. “If I die, don’t you dare follow me.”
“You’re the other half of my soul. If all this goes to hell, there’s no life for me here.” Assuming I survived his death at all, but I didn’t remind him that when he’d challenged Alan to the death, he’d also put my life up for collateral. Mates didn’t always outlive each other. And even if my body survived, all the water would run out of the tub. He was the scales of flesh, holding the puppy and the necklace while the waters rose.
“No, you can’t give up. You can’t walk away. The species still needs you. The species needs you to fight until thebitterend. Build a life with him.”
Build a life with Searle? No. Impossible. I couldn’t do it. Iwouldn’t. I was taking my billions of Mortcombe dollars and acquiring a private island fortress and guzzling MoonDark the rest of my life while hiring bad-tempered human private security to shoot first, dump in the ocean, and answer no questions. Maybe I’d eventually find something more productive to do than being a surly hermit that got onto her balcony every morning to symbolically offer two fingers in the general direction of her species, but my immediate plan was to fuck off and let Gaia swallow everything.
“Youhaveto,” he said.
“Why, because you didn’t sell me into this for me to just turn around and walk out? I’m notmadat what you did to save my life, but don’t think there’s anything left in the ruins that will be left!” Just broken twigs and a shattered set of pickup-sticks and a fragile, flimsy identity.
“Because you’re the heir to your father’s work, and that’s not going to stop just because I die. You’ll need to help pick up whatever pieces are left after I die. Build a life with Searle. Be happy. You’re the heiress to the entire Mortcombe fortune. My father will help you and teach you like he taught me. Use it to do good things. Have some pups.”
“Have some pups? Oh Gaia, was Marcellaserious? You mean like from the freezer case? Likecattle?”
“She’s approached me about it, yes. The AmberHowl have their own storage facilities, and Marcella is in a position to ensure everything is transported properly, so there are no mix-ups or things left behind.BeSummer of AmberHowl and be a force, not a memory.”
Aforce? Build a life with Searle? Forget about Sterling, but pray my offspring didn’t look like him, like Sterling prayed he never saw his own biological father’s face in the mirror? Pretend my heart wasn’t broken every single day? That my soul wasn’t being torn in two, and I wasn’t cleaved right down the middle? That I’d be living the exact lie that had made Gaia angry?
“I need to know you’ll live,” Sterling said. “I need to know you won’t give up, and you will stilldosomething. We’ve alwaysdonesomething. We’ve never just accepted what they’ve tried to do to us. If I die,youmake something good come of all this. They tookeverythingfrom us. Make them give us something back. Run them down until they drop andtakeit from them.”
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t tell him no, and I couldn’t tell him yes.
Sterling gripped my hands in his. “Winter, promise me you will make a life with Searle. Ineedyou to promise me that.”
Of all the things Sterling had asked me to do—learn to be a trophy wife, learn to deal with his professional cohorts, play nice with the fellow spouses, wear fake nails, live in a city, put up withBurian, chased by wonderers, fight over some concrete pile, sneak into feral Alaska—make a life with someone who isn’t metore me into pieces. How could he ask me to just pretendhehadn’t happened?
He squeezed my hands hard enough the bones creaked. “The species needs you. Your father’s research is going to die without you, and the current Alphas will just turn a blind eye to it like they always have. The wanderers will overrun New York City and GranitePaw will leave it all to burn. And when my father dies, our fortune will pass to... his family, I suspect.”
“His family?” I asked.
“The other Mortcombes. They’ll challenge our wills. Their only mandate ismore money, more power, at any cost.Everything the wolves fearweare going to do with that land will happen. Butyoucan rebuild your life as Summer and try to see at least the money and power gets used for somethinggood. You’re the Queen.”
“I’m about as far from being a Queen as one can get.”
“The chessboard vision you had.Wearen’t the rook.I’mthe rook.You’rethe queen. Back at AmberHowl, Jerron was going to do something that sacrificedyou.”
How was I the white queen if Sterling was the black rook? That meant we were on two different sides. “Sterling, that doesn’t make sense.”
“Youarethe queen. I am the rook. I can move how no one else can, and you’re the most powerful piece on the board. That’s why youhaveto keep playing. Because even if I’m lost, as long as you’re still on the board—”
“No,” I said, “No. We’re on two different sides—”
“Yes, we are. Because for me, it only ends in checkmate or capture. For you, it can go on. And I need you to promise me youwillstay on the board and keep playing.”
