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He was still staring at me. “Promise me you will find a way to be happy.”
I love you. You can go. I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.
I almost screamed, but that would have startled the humans. The shape of the promise was as vast and horrifying and impossible as the she-wolf’s blurred face. It was a lie, it had to be a lie, because itcouldn’tbe true. But I promised him, like I’d promised my mother. “I will keep after the prey, and I will run it into thefuckingground.”
And if that wasn’t part of Searle’s life plan, oh well. Plansfuckingchange, and Searle had just gotten an upgrade tolegendary quest,and I’d accepted it for him.
He smiled.
“And,” I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. “Look what Hamid slid me.”
His smile deepened. “Don’t get caught.”
I slid the phone back into my pocket. “I will only be able to text you when I’m alone in the Archives. If I wouldn’t be a distraction.”
He kissed me lightly, lingering, then pulled back, his grip still tight. “It is enough. Anything will be enough.”
My heart broke again. But at least there’d besomething. We could write cheesy love letters to each other. In emojiis.
Sterling stroked my hair. “I thought they’d let me be there with you in the hospital. I’ll never forgiving myself for you waking up to nothing. And not being there to take care of you.”
“Don’t be angry at yourself. I’m not.”
“It would help if you were angry. I hate it when the fight has been bled out of you. I want you to survive. If only to spite me.”
“I’m very much alive. And I know you can break Alan. Iwantyou to. That’s what matters, and I’m sure AmberHowl’s training is better than EarthSpine’s, and this has all been a very fortunate twist of events. I’ll be fine until July.”
Fine as inalive. I could live that long. And probably remain mostly sane and functional.
His gaze was bright, but troubled. The air between us twisted and keened a painful, silent howl. He asked, “So sure I will beat him, pretty wolf?”
“Yes.” Because I knew what Sterling didn’t know: that force of will was a weapon. The force of will was a hammer that could crack an opponent’s spine. And bacteria would enter. Doubt. Fear. Anger. And it would infect Alan’s mind. Alan was a near-Elder Alpha, feral and vicious and predatory, just like I was.
But Alan was as much a child of privilege as I was. Raised in a powerful pack, shielded by prestige if not by money, always had food, always had respect, alwayshadone last card to play. One last option, one last call to make, one last favor to call in.
Sterling had hadnothing.Sterling had ratted. Sterling had gone hungry. Sterling had lost his mother when Garrett had shot Cerys. Sterling had dragged himself miles across a forest floor dying from silver poisoning. Sterling had rebuilt his body from nothing. Sterling had given up his pack. Sterling had given up hismate.
Sterling, the Wolf of Silver, was so, so, so much more than Alan.
I wrestled one hand free and ran my hand along his jaw, then felt the thin, faint lines of a ratter’s scars above his lips. No matter what happened in that duel, Alan was leaving it a broken, shattered wolf.
“Promise me,” he said again.
The promise cut down to the bone. “I promise.”
If I had to face Sterling at the end of all this, I wanted to be able to sayI kept my promise.
No matter how hard it was.
Kissless
Searle was waiting for me at the airport.
The wind seemed to strip away everything and all that was left, once again, was Summer: the burned-out husk of Winter.
I have kept my promise.
Sterling would face Alan, who might be the swift herald of his death.
