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“No.”
“Tell me at least yourself.”
“I was a virgin. Not a repressed humannun.”
He put one hand on one naked hip and looked me up and down in complete disbelief. “That’s… vaguely unsettling.”
The way I was throwing my hands up was clearly me practicing my jazz hands. “Why? Seriously, why? He was unsettled by it too!”
“I can’t speak tohisreason for being unsettled, but mine is that you were…compelled to besocautious. I am increasingly disturbed by…”
“By?” I prodded.
“How much of what you are is something Rodero created,” Searle said. “And how no one recognizes it.”
That speared me in the heart. Right through and out the back and the spear probably lodged in the wall behind me. I could have said something philosophical about we’re all a product of our parents (or the absence of them), but we both knew what Searle meant. That I’d been a hapless victim, beguiled and played.
Searle let it drop. “So, did you prevail in the argument with Emily?”
I kicked my sadness back under the bed. “Of course. I wanted to know if I’d taken you two from each other and you were both hurting.”
“Youdid not take me from anyone. I did notvolunteer,but Demetrius did not ask for volunteers. He asked me directly if I would, and I agreed to it. You and I are not the first pair made from broken parts.” He walked over, rather naked and still warm from the shower. “Why does it upset you that I had lovers before you?”
“It doesn’t.” I sighed, trying to ignore the fact that I had a large and naked male wolf within a dick-length, and his scent told me he was very aware of just how naked he was, and he’d appreciate it if I at least noticed he was worth at least noticing in his naked state. “I wanted to know if I needed to step lightly for a while.” I forced myself to not scrunch up against the door.
A wry smile flitted across his stoic features. “You already bit her. A bit late for that, wouldn’t you say?”
“I don’t want to have to do it again.”
“Youwould have picked up if there was something between us weeks ago. You haven’t been stepping lightly up until now, why start? Why are you suddenly looking for an excuse to keep yourself up on your shelf?”
“I’m not,” I said, aggravated. “I’m trying to be considerate.”
“I’ve lost a few companions over the years to Gaia’s Will, and it’s never easy. Maybe it’s the first time for her and she doesn’t like the taste.”
“I imagine it would be easier for her if this was real,” I whispered.
“It is real, because we’re living it.”
He was such an ass. “You know what I meant.Sheknows the truth.”
“Like you know the truth about your parents.”
“That was a cheap shot,” I snapped.
“How was it a cheap shot? You told me yourself your parents had a relationship that evenyounever questioned was ‘real.’ No one ever questioned it or wondered if it wasreal.”
I ducked under his arm into the larger room to get some air. I ran my hands over my face. The scent of him was impossible to escape, but if I opened the window, I’d just be warming the uncaring outside chill, which would be as futile as trying to escape Searle’s scent.
He took the towel back into the bathroom and then pulled on his pants. He said nothing while he went through his usual routine, and after living with him for almost six weeks I knew it well enough, right down to being able to see the way he tightened his belt with two tugs.
I’d been with Sterling from October until January. Twelve weeks, give or take, and I was already halfway past that with Searle.
Searle came up behind me as I stared out the window. He was close, but not too close,justclose enough before I got hot/cold with fear. “I am not trying to be cruel. I am being pragmatic. The pack has its expectations.”
I checked the clock on the nightstand. “MaryAnne’s going to skin me if I don’t get to the mail.”
“Demetrius and Marcella want to speak to us at five,” he said as I slipped around him again.
