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Searle cocked his head towards me. “That was insulting and unnecessary. You’re an orphan loner who eschewed packs before now. Obviously, the pack’s going to be skeptical and insulted.”
“Little orphan loners are still allowed to have their dignity.”
Searle didn’t have to lower himself to scuffling with a wolf over such a cheap jab, but he didn’t get to tell me I had to smile and pretend I hadn’t recognized it for what it was.
Searle added, “They’ll lose interest in a few years. Don’t be sensitive.”
I’dalmoststarted to feel sorry for him having to lap up congratulations about what a successful lie he was living. But he wantedmeto gulp it down without commenting on the taste, and just be his pristine little mate, make nice, and be on his arm for the important public duties of a First Beta.
Sterling had had an excuse. He’d thought I’d been in on my father’s scam, and he’d been (to a lesser extent) how to tell a feral she needed to get cleaned up without telling a feral she needed to get cleaned up. He’d dragged me around by my ruff more than once, and spoken to me like I was a naïve little pawn. He’d even slept on the floor. He’dtoldme back in Montana, when we’d gone back to deal with Anise, that I’d been my father’s pawn. How he’d accused me of accepting all of it because my father had bent and twisted my mind and perceptions to shape me into the perfect little avatar.
Sterling had been so Gaia-damned right about how fucked up my upbringing really was.
Searle expected me to be happy with him treating me like a free hand-me-down-sofa. Oh, and he was mad at the sofa.
Just like the faceless mother-wolf who had told me to decorate that broken room any way I liked with the garbage and debris at my paws.
A painful shudder raced over my skin and sent my left hand dancing in pain while any warmth fled my body. I hugged myself and shivered, which required yanking my hand out of Searle’s grip. Searle put his arm around my shoulder. His hand caught my silver scar as he gripped me and nerve pain shot up and down my arm into my fingers and neck. He hissed, “What are you doing?”
“Let go of me.” His fingers were diggingrightinto my silver scar. I squirmed. His grip tightened.
“Donot—”
“Let mego!” I snapped. A few wolves glanced over at us. Searle’s fingers tightened even more, and he bent so low his forehead pushed on mine.
“Stop,” he growled.
“Myscar!” The pain stabbed up my neck, wrapped around my ear, snaked into my spine and somehow ended up right between my thighs like a dagger inserted into my ladybits. “Are you trying to hurt me?!”
He instantly relaxed his grip. He also didn’t remove his arm. Or apologize.
No good would come of a scene and drawing attention to my ugly hair dye, or worse, rattle Sterling. Henri wasn’t a pushover, and Sterling didnotneed to be worrying about me. I’d already gotten Sterling into this mess, I was not going to be a distraction that increased his chances of getting killed. He wanted to know I was happy (or at least content) and safe with Searle, I’d put on a good show for his benefit.
I shifted my hand back to Searle’s, and we moved through the crowd, getting all the back-pats and well-wishes either of us could stomach. I wore my bestthis is meaninglesssmile. Nobody actually wanted to talk about my sordid orphan wolf past, or ask questions about how I’d been made a Chronicler’s Apprentice despite my apparent lack of qualifications. Everyone just wanted to congratulate Searle and ask me what I thought about living in a large pack. I decided to go withoh, I really am enjoying all this Blue Ridge Mountain prey I’ve never hunted before(…sort of true. I’d enjoyed hunting that GranitePaw) which instantly spun the conversation tooh, you’re a hunter? To which Searle, with atinyhint of pride, confirmed I was a very accomplished harrier and I was asked what the largest prey I’d ever solo’d had been, and I said a yearling bull moose.
None of those things being lies.
And from there the chatter became about the best time to find various prey, the difficulty of other prey, and invitations towe’re going hunting on X date, looking for Y prey, perhaps you’d like to join usto which Searle made my apologies for me and explained I was still recovering from my injuries, but perhaps in the fall.
“A yearling bull moose? Really?” Searle asked by the third time I’d answered that question.
“It’s true.” If he thought I was making that up, I was going to stomp on his toes.
He snorted. “Why would you do something like that? Why would anyone even let you do something that stupid? Tell me you got punished for that stunt.”
“I was trying to get noticed.” If I was going to be in AmberHowl,asan AmberHowl, for a while, time to set some goals. Like making Solstice Hound again. That was an excellent goal to focus on, even if lofty.
Perhaps, this time, it would end differently.
It couldn’t end much worse.
We made our way back up the opposite side of the avenue, having the same conversation over and over again, until we were at the top of the slope, at the perimeter that established the no-go zone between the edge of the party and the private house. Searle drew me towards Demetrius, who had taken up a place at the top of the hill, along with Marcella, Henri and Sarah. The sun had set behind the hills.
My heart kicked back into a fast, awful beat. Wildly, I searched the crowd for Sterling, but didn’t see him.
“Equinox is here, wolves!” Demetrius shouted, and the AmberHowl answered with a joyful howl.
Demetrius gestured for them to settle, then, smiling, he said, “We have some business to attend to this Equinox, wolves! First, this year, First Beta Henri will be putting a warrior through his paces.” Demetrius gestured to the sand ring at the base of the hill. “As many of you know, Sterling, previously Alpha of SnowFang, lost his mate, Winter, when she was murdered several months ago. He seeks revenge against Alan of FrostFur, for torturing her with silver, and will face Alan this summer at the Greater Meeting. Tonight’s exhibition will be to give him experience in front of a large crowd, as he neither trained with a pack nor has ever been to a Lesser or Greater Meeting.”
