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“It’s the name my brain gave to the nothing.” I shivered thinking about thenothing.
dragon?/human?
“Helena.” Auryn squeezed me close.
I snapped back. He squeezed harder. A scream tickled in the base of my throat. Auryn pressed his cheek to my hair and trilled my favorite song in his throat until the scream faded, taken away on currents.
“Don’t say it,” I whispered.
He cradled me gently. “You’re tired, Helena. Suffering has become part of your order. Think about that.”
“I’d rather not.” Single-minded determination to accomplish the mission was my mode of choice for the current situation.
He smoothed my hair. “Tell me about this firmament.”
I tried to pull back, but he tugged me close. With my cheek flat against his bare chest and the way the light fell, the faint metallic shimmer under his bronze skin revealed its scale pattern. “It’s where I go. I used to think it was space—like the cosmos?—but I realized that’s just my brain trying to make sense of it. It’s like what I perceive in the portal, except the portal is more… compressed.”
When I’d exited the white, rotating tube in K’Dol, I hadn’t been taken away by the storm, but Ihadbeen on that ledge. Which had been created by the entity that called itself K’Dol. K’Dol had been scary as hell, and I had no intentions of crossing paths with K’Dol again, but K’Dol had also not feltwronglike Immoalen and the dead bodies on the ship.
Then again, I hadn’t seen K’Dol since I’d gained the ability to feel thewrong.
Not that K’Dol got another chance. K’Dol was potentially the worst kind of news, and I wasnotlooking to upgrade myself tosuspectedPandora to #PandoraConfirmed.
I pulled myself out of Auryn’s grip. “Go get washed up and help me learn my colors. I want to be ready when they find something in the archives.”
Because I wasnotgiving up yet. Not on the Gate, and not on Keon.
Six
Akoni was furious over Keon leaving me after my spasm. “Are you so starved for that drake you’ll accept whatever scraps he cares to leave for you? Auryn is right. Suffering has become too much of your order, and I will not accept that anymore.”
Akoni’s gaze zeroed in on the gouges over Auryn’s heart.
Auryn growled, “I amhere.”
“Oh, excellent, the bare minimum standard! And your cousin cannot even manage that now! She was right to keep him away when she was recovering.”
“She keptyouaway too,” Auryn snapped.
“And now she and I have resolved the matter.”
“You could have been honest with her from the start and spared her the heartache.”
“Stop, stop!” I shoved between the two of them. Fuck. “Stop. Akoni, Hekonsummonedhim, and give the drake a chance to catch his breath. He lost his career too. Topside’s closed.”
Akoni glared at me. “And did I fall to pieces when Mayriel gave Hahim my place at the machine? Did I become a fool who did not attend to my consort? AurynbeggedKeon to help you. Keon was kept apprised and still chose to leave.”
“That was then. This is now.”
“Today is today, andhe is still not here today.”
“He knows that nothing is more important to me right now than those archives. If he’dtriedto stay, I’d have kicked him right to Hekon’s! And Dekka’s told him he can’t tell me anything he learns without her approval. Come on, he’s in a tough spot. Let him muddle through figuring out the best way to hit his marks!”
Did we need to have a big family sit-down and play board games as a way to settle everything? Because my parents had demonstrated that a family game of Monopoly was a very good way to get everyone to start shouting about what wasreallybothering them.
Akoni grumbled something. Auryn clasped his arms under his Healer’s bands and shifted his weight while he watched me, contemplating my request. Then the two of them walked over to the study area and grumbled at each other with their backs turned to me.
Grumbling completed, they returned, arms folded and expressions conveyingwe have decided. Auryn said, “I’ll send him a message.”
