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Still nothing. Not a twitch, not even a grimace.
Absolutely nothing.
The hope I am constantly clinging to, is slowly dwindling with every passing day. I let out a heavy sigh. I step away from Niko’s bed just as Callan and Zoe walk in.
Zoe immediately runs to me, pulling me in for a tight hug.
“Are you sure that this is what you want?” Zoe asks, searching my face.
I have no doubt my bestie would call off the wedding if she thought it was what I wanted. The urge to open up to her is strong. I want to tell her what I’m planning. That all I’m concerned about right now is getting revenge for my father.I can’t though. Zoe would make it her mission to try to talk me out of it and if she couldn’t, she’d ask Callan to. He would do that for her, too.
So, I remain silent.
I don’t know how to make them understand what I’m feeling. It’s something you can’t imagine unless you live it. No one here understands. The loss of my father and of Niko has burned a hole inside me. The wound is raw and filled with a darkness that is devouring me from the inside out.
“It’s what I want. Niko is my future. This world is my future. It’s what my father wanted and it’s what I need,” I finally answer, giving her the truth, even if it’s withholding the reasons from her.
Zoe looks confused, but I don’t try to explain. This is a step towards embracing Niko’s world. The same world that my father lived in. If I want to make those responsible for destroying my life pay, it begins here.
I’m starting to think that my father always knew I needed to be with Niko to become strong enough to survive. I can’t deny it. It is completely true. If I wasn’t here in his house, surrounded by Antonio and Niko’s security team, I’m not sure I’d survive. I’d shrivel up and let myself wither until there was nothing left. I never understood what it meant when people said you can die of a broken heart.
I do now.
I sure as heck don’t know what I would have done if I was currently in my father’s house with my aunt, Angelina, and Dante. I just keep thinking about all the bullshit my aunt keeps saying about Niko. The only one that can be filling her head with all that bullshit is Dante. Niko never trusted him and he’s one that stands to advance and profit from my father and Niko being out of the picture. I’ve wanted to talk to Antonio about it, but Dante is his nephew. Until I have proof, I don’t feel comfortable going to him.
I turn my attention back to Zoe, touching her hand lightly. “Don’t worry. Somehow Niko will claw himself out of this. I know it.” I sound sure, but even as I say the words doubts continue to creep in.
Luckily, the priest chooses that moment to come in. After we all shake hands and Callan gives him the license with Niko’s signature and notary information attached, I step into the background. Part of me wants to scream at Niko for even arranging this. Yet, there’s also another part of me thankful. He was looking out for me, even then. Now, I need to look out for him and my father.
It is my mission.
I move to Niko’s bedside as the ceremony commences. I’d like to say I’m fully present, but I feel like this is some kind of feverish dream. My body is here by Niko’s, but my mind shuts itself off. I go through the motions. This whole thing is bizarre. Hearing Callan speak for Niko, it’s almost too much. I can’t look at him. I know he feels as awkward and broken as I do. I keep my eyes on Niko. I hold his hand as tightly as possible with the IV in it. I wish there was some warmth in our touch, but his hand is cold and makes my heart ache more.
Tears burn my eyes as loss and grief threaten to drown me. I’m sinking into the abyss, alone, even with Zoe right here next to me. Maybe she can feel my despair, because my beautiful friend wraps her arm around my waist so I can lean on her.
I’m grateful, because throughout this short ceremony, It’s a constant worry that my knees are going to buckle. The last thing I want to do is fall apart right now.
When the priest announces we’re married, I lean down and kiss Niko’s forehead. As my tears fall onto his face, I realize for the first time that I’m crying. I use my fingertips to wipe them from his cheeks. I quickly hide my hand because it’s shaking, and I don’t want Zoe to see. I takea trembling breath before turning to face her again.
“I’m going to stay with you tonight,” she announces.
I shake my head no. I would like time with her, but not right now. I need to talk to Antonio. He’s tracked down Katherine and I need to know when I get to talk to her. I can’t discuss family business with Zoe and Callan here. Antonio wouldn’t allow it.
“Not tonight,” I respond, doing my best to be gentle. The last thing I want is to hurt her feelings. “I love you, but right now, I just need some time alone.”
“Emilia, you need someone with you,” she argues.
“I have Vic and Niko’s bodyguards. I will be fine. I have a lot I need to work through.”
I don’t say anything else, but when Zoe reaches out to hold my hands with hers, I plead with her silently to understand. We used to be in sync to the point she could read my facial expressions and just know what I need, and I could do the same with her. I’m praying she does now. I know I’m risking hurting her, but I can’t afford to stop now. I have a job to do. I can’t falter.
Callan comes up behind Zoe and hugs her. My heart contracts. I hurt for me, but I’m so happy for my friend because it’s easy to see the love between the two of them. Callan even manages a smile. He’s grieving for Niko, but having Zoe is helping him to cope. Once again, the loss of Niko nearly drowns me.
“Have you checked this place out, Zoe? It’s a fortress. Emilia will be good, sweetheart.”
Thank you, Callan.
“Fine, but I will see you tonight, okay? Zoe murmurs. “And if you need anything—anything at all…”
