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By the time I got up and poured myself a mug (didn’t own wine glasses) of wine (from a box, I’m classy that way), he still had responded.
TESSA:Hello?, I prodded
ELLIS:Was there a question in there somewhere?
TESSA:Come on. Be a sport. I need your expertise.
ELLIS:I thought you wanted to get the yoga instructor out of his boxers not panties.
TESSA: Well, you’re good at getting guys out of those, too, right?
I sipped my wine and nervously waited for Ellis to type out his response as the little text bubbles blinked on the screen.
ELLIS:Okay, young sex kitten, your training begins with a little wax on, wax off of my car windshield. But you can only use your boobs. You must complete this task before you even think about touching the ancient sex sword.
I rolled my eyes.
TESSA:You don’t own a car.
Ellis was quick with his response.
ELLIS:Fine, you can rub your boobs on my face.
I tightened my fingers on my mug. Iknew he was just teasing, but boy, the images that flashed through my mind just then... Itook another sip of refined French wine.
TESSA:Stop with this Mr. Miyagi shit. My date with Cade is tomorrow. HELP ME!
ELLIS:Fine.Let’sstart with the basics. What bra are you planning on wearing?
I pulled at the neck of my grey UCLA sweatshirt with the red wine spill on the left sleeve and the Thai peanut sauce spill on the right and squinted to see which bra I was currently wearing. Ihad a drawer full of ones just like it.
TESSA:Idk, it’s like a tan-ish bra.
What else was there to say about it? It had straps and cups and boobs inside. But right as I hit SEND I already had another text from Ellis.
ELLIS:If you say you’re wearing that ugly, I’ve-never-had-sex-before, I-ladle-soup-in-a-elementary-school-cafeteria bra, I will never speak to you again.
“Oops,” I muttered, subconsciously holding my arms over my chest.
So it wasn’t the most beautiful or alluring bra on the face of the planet. It was functional. Mostly. I mean it didn’t keep the girls at attention, high and pressed together like the yoga goddesses or treadmill Amazonians at the gym. But it was comfortable, inexpensive, and worked fine, which was why Ihad a drawer full of them.
ELLIS:Goodbye, Tessa.
I laughed. My fingers flew over the keyboard on the screen of my cell phone.
TESSA:No, no, Mr. Sex-agi, please don’t go! Teach me your ways. YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!
I pressed Send and waited. For a moment I thought he really had finally given up on me, had seen me as the lost cause that I truly am. I lunged for my phone when it dinged.
ELLIS:You have one more chance, Tessa Stewart. Go to your bedroom.
I reminded myself to kick Ellis in the shin the next time I saw him for making this as painful as possible for me. Grabbing my wine mug, I heaved myself off the couch like the grumpy potato I was and turned on the nightstand lamp in my bedroom.
TESSA:Check.
ELLIS:Dresser.
TESSA:Check.
